A Public Apology

Over the weekend, I looked back at some memories throughout the years. Mainly from college and onward. I was going through photo album after photo album on my old laptop, just looking for pictures of my mom and, during this process, I came to some realizations that I feel badly about looking back on.

I apologize for getting so caught up in temporary phases that I ended up losing sight of what was really important.

I'm not talking about my biker shorts phase and don't get me started on my Jellies phase... we all know I'm still not over that one yet. Nor will I ever be. I'm talking about the phases we go through that, at the time, seem like they're the real deal. The forever deal. And everything else takes the back burner while we focus our every effort on that one thing.

I would offer this apology mainly to my mom and my dad but my mom doesn't read my blog anymore [unless you're reading from the afterlife, Mom?! If so, you should comment. It would trip a lot of us out] and my dad doesn't read my blog anymore because reading about my mom is too hard for him. Regardless, they are the two people who had to deal with me the most and for the longest amount of time and I feel horrible for putting so many ridiculous things before them.

There is one phase of my life in particular that pulled my mom and I further apart than we've ever been before. It started about seven months after graduating from college. I dove headfirst into something that I ended up, little by little [without realizing it at the time] losing myself in. And no matter how often or how many times my mom tried to caution me, I refused to listen. It was the beginning of a series of decisions I made that I thought were right for me. But my mom was right in the end. She was right about everything she cautioned me about. Moms really do know best.

Sure, it was life experience. Boy, do I know that! But it really hurts to look back now, a year after I unexpectedly lost her and see all that time that I could have been with her and I was elsewhere putting my energy into the phases that didn't last. And for that, I am deeply sorry.