Monday, February 24, 2014

My Life Coaching Launch!

When you find your true passion and purpose in life, it becomes something that radiates through you everyday as you wake up and each night as you shut your eyes. You feel a constant flow of vibrant energy move through your body and life makes a whole lot more sense. 

I'm here today to share something that's very near and dear to my heart. Something I've been planning for and working toward and praying about for days and weeks and months. I've learned that life is too short to keep waiting for "the perfect moment." There's no such thing. The time is now. If you believe in something and you're passionate about it, your heart and soul know the answer. They'll guide you. And as long as you listen, you can't go wrong.

Today is the day. I am officially launching my life coaching services online! I couldn't be more excited to not only share my passion with the world, but to be able to connect with all the beautiful souls that are out there.

For some of you reading this, you might be feeling that pull right now. The pull toward something bigger. Something different. Something that excites your soul and ignites your spirit.

I'd love to join forces with you to explore that pull that you're feeling. To find your purpose. To find yourself. To conquer your fears. To make your dreams a reality. To leave relationships/friendships that no longer serve you. To re-learn to love yourself. To start living life full out.

Join me over on my life coaching website to learn more about me, my coaching approach, and all the details on how to get started. I am so excited to connect with you! This life is so precious, there is so much we can be doing everyday to change our perspective and live an even fuller life, and I would be honored to lift, support, and give you that extra "you can do it!" along the way.

Also, I would LOVE for you to follow along on my Facebook page (and Twitter and Instagram if we're not already friends there!) If anything I post resonates with you (or if you think it may resonate with someone you know) I will be super appreciative if you spread the word! I am so grateful for the love and support I've received in these past months on my journey from you all. I look forward now to being a part of YOUR journey :)


Friday, February 21, 2014

Two Years Without Mom

Two years. I've often tried but always felt as though I cannot entirely convey the feeling in your soul when your mother has died.

It's true. A part of you dies as well.

An hour into tomorrow, February 22nd, will mark two years since my mom passed into the next life, as we sat by her side, hanging on to every last breath. Two years. I think about her constantly. But it's the hole buried deep within my heart that continues to remain empty that burns. Every second of silence or stillness and that physical burn within me is felt. The void never disappears.

And I've accepted that.

But it's hard never hearing "I love you!" It's hard never getting motherly advice, even when it's unsolicited. It's hard never getting a "mom hug" when I'm going through a rough time. Her voice is but a memory as are her hugs, her spaghetti, and all the little thoughtful gifts that came when you least expected them, reminding you that she cared. Always.

And without those things in life anymore, it changes.

I think we all grow up, knowing, as much as we don't like to admit or think about it... that our parents aren't always going to be with us. Some of us lose them younger in life and some of us even get the wonderful blessing of seeing our parents with their great-grandchildren. But life is so, so precious. I can't say this enough. And as dark and "hush hush" as it may be thought of by some, seeing your mother go from being full of life to struggling to take her final breath to laying there lifeless and cold in front of you... it wakes you up for the rest of your life.

So, wake up now. Stop living life unconsciously. Stop taking part in things like gossiping and lying and settling and waiting. Because one day, whether you want to believe it or not, you'll get the phone call or the prognosis as the doctor stands in front of your family that will alter your life forever. Tell your loved ones how much they mean to you, go to that family dinner, mend broken relationships.

When my mom left for the emergency room that night, I had no idea that she would never be coming back. I had no idea it'd be the last time I'd help her put her jacket on and see her walk out that door. No idea at all. Life happens faster than we can comprehend.

I can't bring her back. Nothing can. But I can live my life now fuller and truer than ever before. In honor of her. In honor of the greatest gift that she could have given me - the precious gift of life.

I love you, Mom.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

The Crossroads

Crossroads. I've had a lot of them. I thought going away to college would have been one of the most major, along with getting my first job in the "real world." However, I was wrong. Very wrong. The last time I took part in these Sometimes Sweet journal prompts, I was at the beginning of the greatest crossroad of my life.

Photography by J. Poling

I had no idea that six months later, my mom's life would come to an abrupt end, leaving my family devastated and leaving me without the one woman who had helped me through it all. The next couple months are all a blur. I continued going back to an unhealthy relationship. I was fragile, unsure, and unsteady. What the hell had just happened?

Eventually, I started to break away the chains that were holding me down. I was tired of being numb. I was tired of being hurt. I was tired of giving the power away. It was time to take that power back and live the life I was meant to live. Somehow, my mom's death propelled me into manifesting the life I had always wanted... the happiness I had always wanted.

In December of 2012, I moved to San Diego. Something that once had just been a dream, was a reality. It's in San Diego that life really started to take off for me. It's where I found peace, meaning, self-love, and inevitably, it's where I found my purpose. It's a huge landmark of my life that I will always look back on because it symbolizes so much of what life is all about to me.

I've since moved to the East Coast where I am pursuing my purpose and my passion as a life coach. So, I guess in a sense, this is another crossroad for me. It's another new pathway. One with challenges and speed bumps and a-ha moments. But the greatest thing about this new pathway, is the peace it brings. To know without a doubt that I'm on the path I'm meant to be on.

And I guess that is what the crossroads of our lives are for. We can't always control our circumstances. But we can control the way we react. We can control the meaning we assign to those circumstances. Eventually, they lead us to the exact path we are meant to be on. 

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

I'm the Kinda Girl Who…


Didn't know what kinda girl she really was until the past two years.

Has forming wrinkles and a deviated septum but loves herself more than when she was a youthful teen.

Listens to Incubus or Pearl Jam at work.

Enjoys doing things alone (shopping, going to the beach, gym, etc.)

Prefers to wear Vans over stilettos any day.

Believes in falling nine times and getting up ten.

Buys a planner and then hardly writes in it.

Hates making left-hand turns without a green arrow.

Thinks it's super awkward when a guy tries to push your chair in for you.

Stands up for animals.

Watches ABC Family instead of Bravo.

Quotes Dane Cook.

Enjoys the adventure of moving to new states alone. (I mean… duh.)

Is constantly learning to release her fears.

Loves cats.

Prays to St. Anthony every time she's desperately looking for something.

Is always cold.

Wants to empower other women.

Feels emotions deeply.

Misses her mom.

It's always interesting to make lists like these. Some facts end up being funny and just completely off-the-wall, while others are soulful, deep, and come straight from the heart. I guess I'm a mix of both of those. I'm the kind of girl who is quirky and goofy and marches to the beat of her own drum. But I'm also the kind of girl who is intuitive and deeply spiritual and always learning. I love this gift of life so much and all the beautiful souls that have been put along my path and for those I've yet to meet. 

I'm the kinda girl who has hope at hopeless times, even if it knocks the wind out of my sails (which it always seems to do.) I'm the kinda girl who wants so badly to be a mother one day and share the bond my own mother gave to me. I'm the kinda girl who is always yearning to learn more about the kinda girl I am.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Broken Wing

I am a woman with bruises and scars.

I fall down. A lot. The frequency of falls has slowed down. But I still fall and they still hurt just as badly.

I am human. I make mistakes. But I AM human.

But sometimes (all the time) I don't let myself off the hook. I dwell and over-analyze and beat myself up over those mistakes. Because they always seem to be mistakes that were easily avoidable, yes? But then I remember the magic of the Universe and how it's through our trip-ups, shortcomings, and falls that we learn. Whatever lesson is hidden in the tears and the bruises, it's there. I promise you. I promise myself.

I'm reserved until I get to know you. Until I trust you. And once that sense of comfort is established, I put my heart on the line. And it's at that point that anything goes. I take that leap.

But... I usually over jump. I don't land on my feet. And I spend the next bit of time waiting for my broken wing to heal from that failed flight.

The healing hurts. It's not graceful and it usually includes a lot of self-bullying to the tune of, "You idiot. What were you thinking?" Sometimes the hardest thing to do is forgive yourself.

I know that my heart is tender and that no matter how hard I try to pretend that it's made out of sturdy bricks, it's fragile. Always. It's my heart and I accept it. They say to be with people who love the way that you love. And maybe that's been my problem. Maybe I've looked for the people with the brick hearts. Maybe I've looked for them as a way to make me tell myself I'm not vulnerable. But I am. With this little fragile heart of mine that's seen a lot, felt a lot, been through a lot... I still have this heart. It's my heart and I accept it.

Looking back, I see a bit of a pattern in this thing called life. We're rolling along, making lots of forward progress and movement and feeling great and confident about life when, BAM... disaster strikes. But, we are not our circumstances. We can't allow ourselves to fall victim to those trip-ups and shortcomings. The truth is, if we never try, we'd never know. And we owe it to ourselves to be proud that we had the guts to even make that jump.

We may fall, time after time. We may have to wait as our broken wing heals. But one day, after one of those jumps, those wings will take us on our greatest flight yet.  We will soar. And our little, tender heart will continue to beat on.