Broken Wing

I am a woman with bruises and scars.

I fall down. A lot. The frequency of falls has slowed down. But I still fall and they still hurt just as badly.

I am human. I make mistakes. But I AM human.

But sometimes (all the time) I don't let myself off the hook. I dwell and over-analyze and beat myself up over those mistakes. Because they always seem to be mistakes that were easily avoidable, yes? But then I remember the magic of the Universe and how it's through our trip-ups, shortcomings, and falls that we learn. Whatever lesson is hidden in the tears and the bruises, it's there. I promise you. I promise myself.

I'm reserved until I get to know you. Until I trust you. And once that sense of comfort is established, I put my heart on the line. And it's at that point that anything goes. I take that leap.

But... I usually over jump. I don't land on my feet. And I spend the next bit of time waiting for my broken wing to heal from that failed flight.

The healing hurts. It's not graceful and it usually includes a lot of self-bullying to the tune of, "You idiot. What were you thinking?" Sometimes the hardest thing to do is forgive yourself.

I know that my heart is tender and that no matter how hard I try to pretend that it's made out of sturdy bricks, it's fragile. Always. It's my heart and I accept it. They say to be with people who love the way that you love. And maybe that's been my problem. Maybe I've looked for the people with the brick hearts. Maybe I've looked for them as a way to make me tell myself I'm not vulnerable. But I am. With this little fragile heart of mine that's seen a lot, felt a lot, been through a lot... I still have this heart. It's my heart and I accept it.

Looking back, I see a bit of a pattern in this thing called life. We're rolling along, making lots of forward progress and movement and feeling great and confident about life when, BAM... disaster strikes. But, we are not our circumstances. We can't allow ourselves to fall victim to those trip-ups and shortcomings. The truth is, if we never try, we'd never know. And we owe it to ourselves to be proud that we had the guts to even make that jump.

We may fall, time after time. We may have to wait as our broken wing heals. But one day, after one of those jumps, those wings will take us on our greatest flight yet.  We will soar. And our little, tender heart will continue to beat on.