Wednesday, July 31, 2013

One Picture Will Be The Last

I was talking on the phone with my dad the other day and I mentioned how, in my mind, my mom will always be the age she was when she died. I forget that she would have continued to age with each birthday, just as I have. I forget about the age I had just recently turned when I lost her. 

The time without my mom has passed so quickly yet it painfully creeps by day by day. I was looking at pictures earlier. There are so many pictures of the two of us; me and my mom. I go to each picture and try to think back to when it was taken, where we were, how old I was, what drama was going on in my life that seemed like it was the end of the world. And I would do anything to take another picture, she and I, here on Earth.

You don't realize when the last picture you take with a loved one will be. It scares the hell out of me and is something that deeply, deeply saddens me when I look back at the time while my mom was still alive. The last picture I took with my mom was over a year before she died. I didn't even get a picture with her on Thanksgiving or Christmas. I took pictures of her with my niece and nephew and dad but I didn't get one with her. And that breaks my heart more than I can explain.

Recently, I booked a flight home to visit my dad for his birthday in a few weeks. It will be my first time returning since Christmas. I will be getting back to San Diego from a work trip in Las Vegas and then hopping on a flight a few hours later to go to DC. My dad felt bad because he knew it'd be a lot on me because of the work trip and my anxiety with flying and he said I could wait until next month. But birthdays are birthdays. I missed my mom's last birthdays before she died because I was living in another state and I'm not willing to miss my dad's birthday this year. Life is short. Shorter than we truly realize until something tragic happens.

Don't wait.

Visit your family. Take more than enough pictures. And keep your loved ones all around you. Even when you live far away. Find a way.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Check That Off The Bucket List: US Open

I mentioned yesterday how I had an even greater life experience on Saturday than I did the day before. Early Saturday morning, I woke up in Newport Beach and drove over to Huntington Beach for a big bucket list item of mine.

As we drove down Main Street in HB, it was all becoming a little surreal. Again, here I was, this East Coast girl now living the Southern California life. It was truly a place for many years that I only saw on TV and in movies and now I was seeing this cute little beach town with my own eyes. Not only that, but I was there to see the biggest surf event in the United States: The US Open of Surfing.

Since we arrived on the second to last day of the championship, all of my favorite surfers [yes, even Kelly Slater] had been knocked out the day prior. I was totally bummed. Completely. But it was still so inspiring and fun to see so many pro surfers giving everything they had for a chance to win. I was most inspired by Courtney Conlogue for her back-to-back rides through the pier, a very tricky and dangerous maneuver but she did it and it just so happened to be right when we were standing underneath the pier. And as soon as she finished, she turned around and paddled right back out to catch another. Talk about strength and determination!

The US Open was nothing like the time I was at Volcom Pipe Pro on the North Shore. In Huntington, the waves were smaller, the crowds were larger [and much more rowdy as I'm sure many of you heard about the riots], and it was just an entirely different experience. However, I enjoyed the time I spent watching heats from up above on the pier or below on the sand as the tide rolled in.

It was a nice treat for me. A reminder of the determination it takes to do well, insanely well, at what you love. Throughout life, we have certain passions that never leave us. I've written about this before and how important I believe it is to bring those passions to life throughout our time here. The art and sport of surfing has been one of those passions for me. I stopped for a moment and reminded myself that I was there, among the world's top surfers, in Surf City, USA... something I had only dreamt of for so long.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Check That Off The Bucket List: My Kind of Trade Show

When this weekend came to a close, I had to take a look back on it in astonishment. Did it really happen? Is this really the life I'm living? It used to be something I only dreamt about as a girl on the East Coast.

Friday was an early morning as we made the drive up to Long Beach for AGENDA Trade Show - "a forum for the most inspired in the streetwear and action sports industries to unite." All the big-name companies in the surf/skate apparel industry were there (Billabong, Volcom, RVCA, Hurley, Rip Curl, etc.) I went as a buyer so I was able to get an inside look at the designs and trends that will be hitting stores in Spring 2014. It was a phenomenal experience for me personally, to say the least.

Trade shows are overwhelming, regardless of what side you're on. It was interesting and eye-opening to be on the other side of things this weekend than where I usually am. Instead of working the booth, I was walking the floor. I allowed myself to be inspired by the creativity of all of these brands, however big or small they were. I listened to the stories of two chill guys with a start-up company and was in awe of the size of the successful Volcom team in their rad uniforms.

Here's a little sneak peek:

It was eye-opening. Amazing. Inspiring.

It inspired the entrepreneur in me, the designer in me, the event planner in me, and the lover of life.

I walked in the front door one way and left forever changed. As every event in life, it is what ever you make it. Not only was that trade show the first of its kind that I've finally been able to go to, but it will also mark the spot of a huge learning experience in my life.

Check back tomorrow to hear all about an even greater experience of mine that took place the following day!

Friday, July 26, 2013

The Insomnia Wake Up Call

I haven't been writing much lately. The words just haven't been finding their way to me. I wrote a little while back about how I had insomnia and migraines that lasted over a week. I thought I had fought them away, but Wednesday night, I found myself staring at the time on the clock: 4:30 am. Again.

Insomnia is exhausting. No pun intended. It's a lonely, sick feeling. To have your body be so tired, yet your mind keeps racing while the world is asleep. During my hours of insomnia, my mind was all over the place. From calculating in my head the exact hours I had worked this week to a routine I learned at dance camp 10 years ago playing over and over in my mind. I stressed about the countless emails I knew I'd find upon waking up [if I ever fell asleep] and wondered if I dropped my camera lens in the grass while getting out of the car at my mom's funeral last year.

It's a difficult thing for me as I walk this path of self-development, being my purpose, and surrounding myself with positivity. I'm seeing how toxic things outside of myself are affecting my happiness, my quality of life, and even my sleep. Yet, I know that's not okay because we are responsible for our own happiness. And although, given my current circumstances, these toxic things are not something I can rid from my life as of yet, I have to figure out a way to filter out what I allow in to my true self.

I'm not there yet. But I'm working on it.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Check That Off The Bucket List: Palm Springs Part Two

A month ago, I went on a girls' trip to Palm Springs! I cannot believe it was one whole month ago but I'll tell you one thing - it has practically felt like Winter here in San Diego compared to that grueling 120 degree weather we were hit with on our weekend getaway. [In case you missed it, here's Part One of the trip!]

On our last morning/afternoon in Palm Springs, we were pretty excited to hit up brunch at the Ace Hotel. Cara-Mia had nothing but wonderful things to say about it and I just wanted to take in the beauty of this Mid-Century-esque hotel I had seen all over Pinterest! I was not disappointed - by the food OR the scenery.

Why, yes, that was the largest piece of French Toast bread I've ever seen as well. And I ate every single bite. It was delightful. In fact, each of our meals ended up looking phenomenal. Two thumbs up for King's Hwy - an old school diner feel with food that certainly does not disappoint.

There's really just something magical about Palm Springs. And that's what I love about California. You don't have to venture very far away in order to find something magical. The majestic mountains against the sky. The richness of the green palm trees literally everywhere you look. And, of course, the history. I mean, after all, Marilyn vacationed there...

And now I can say I had my picture taken with Marilyn Monroe ;) She will always be my favorite Hollywood star. We drove away from Palm Springs soon after that picture was taken [and we made a Starbucks pit stop for ice cold anything because that's just how hot it was. Even to be outside for those five minutes!]

We had one more stop left. And this next one... this was a huge bucket list item for me. Stay tuned!

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Each Experience Is Necessary

This weekend, I took some time away from the hustle and bustle of life, social media, and the like. I was so very inspired last week by The Daily Love Extravaganza that I carried it right into the weekend. Similar to last weekend, I made no plans and decided to let each evening and new day take me on its course. It was a pretty incredible feeling as a busy event schedule for work approaches. [As in, I'm working three weeks straight, including weekends!]

We sadly didn't see much of the sun here in San Diego this weekend. So, I picked up a few new books and was motivated to just dive right in and gain even more wisdom and inspiration. My first read was Staying On The Path by Wayne Dyer; a book full of insightful life tid-bits like this one:

How true is that? It's something I've learned first-hand and it's something I remind myself of each day. [Especially on the days that are tougher than others!] Every trial we've gone through, every celebration, every disappointment - they were all absolutely necessary. The truth is, we wouldn't be who we are today if it weren't for those experiences.

When you hit a tough day or a tough phase, remind yourself that there is a reason you are going through it. And remind yourself of how far you've come. Life is going to continue to challenge us and push us and pull us in so many directions. But it gets us where we're supposed to be if we listen, work hard, and keep going forward.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Last Chance For The Daily Love Extravaganza

Each time someone thanks me for introducing them to The Daily Love, I have a celebratory dance party. I do the same thing each time Mr. MASTIN KIPP himself re-tweets me! It's funny how the Universe is so connected. Share the love to others and it will be brought back around full-circle, my friends.

I am so ecstatic that so many of you read this little blog of mine and felt inspired enough to go check out all the gems of self-development goodness that Mastin writes everyday [among other authors as well!] And, after yesterday's post, several people asked me HOW they too can take part in The Daily Love Extravaganza that's going on this week!

Well... stop what ever it is that you're doing and head on over to sign up here right this second! Today is the FINAL day of #TDLextravaganza [as we refer to it on Twitter] so if you sign up now, you might make it in time to receive the special link for the final day!

Unfortunately, each interview is only available for 24 hours so, unless you upgrade for a price, you missed out on the previous days. However, I'd be more than happy to recap some of my favorite interviews! Just say the words and I'll start writing :)

I am in this crazy, awesome realm of self-growth and energy and light and I'm so excited to kind of debrief once the Extravaganza ends and see which areas I'd like to focus on growing in next.

That's all for today. Keeping it short because I have a lot more note taking, learning, reflecting, and reading to do in the midst of my first week in this new work position of mine. Sending lots of love and hugs to those who are needing it right now.

What's inspiring you on this Friday? Do tell!

Thursday, July 18, 2013

I Felt Like A Million Bucks

I'm almost to the point of saying that Tuesday was one of the best days of my life. Not because it was a "good" day or a "happy" day. It was simply a day full of life.

I went to bed in the wee hours of the morning after staying up to listen to several talks during this week's #TDLextravaganza [The Daily Love Extravaganza!] My life was changed after listening to Serena Dyer [daughter of Wayne Dyer] and Jacob Sokol [a life coach based out of New York City.] I had listened to Mastin Kipp speak earlier that morning and, as always, was inspired and moved. I love hearing his story and how he got where he is today.

I'm sure I'll get into greater depth of each of these interviews at some other time but all I can say for now is, "Wow." Their wisdom, their experiences, their learned lessons. I have always loved the self-development community. Always. I have so much respect and love for people who have weathered the storms of life and come out stronger. The people who share their stumbles, trips, and falls in order to help us learn, to share their lessons, and to love.

Thanks to the wonderful world of technology, I was able to reach out to Mastin, Serena, and Jacob to thank them for their stories, their vulnerability, and the courage they each have for honoring their true callings in life. And they each responded :) That's what I love about the self-development community. The feeling that we are all connected and the honest feeling of love.

My day was off to an amazing start and I knew going forward that I was in for an important and challenging evening. It was the fashion show and official launch of the new apparel collection for the brand I work with. There had been months and months of preparation going into this one night. But there was a feeling of peace and comfort in the hours and minutes leading up to the event. What ever last-minute issues came up... I just let them roll off my back. Was the fashion show perfect? No. Were there problems? Yes. However, I've been trying my best to look at the big picture. The important things in life.

After the fashion show wrapped, and we were all saying our goodbyes before meeting again the following day, I received hugs, high-fives, and a few genuine "thank yous." And you know what? That was all I needed at the end of that day. The feeling when you and your co-worker look at each other and without saying anything, you both are thinking, "We did it." It was a reminder of why I chose a career in event planning back when I was a teenager. It's not because it's "fun," because, um, that is the biggest myth about this career. It's because of the 60 seconds leading up to the event and the 60 seconds after the event ends. The excitement, the adrenaline, and then the bittersweet melancholy.

Instead of staying out to celebrate that evening, I drove home toward the Pacific...

Then, I sat on my kitchen floor for five minutes to breathe, and went for a run. When I got back, I sat on my floor again [this time, in front of my fan] made dinner, and got right back into The Daily Love Extravaganza. I've tried writing about five different concluding sentences and nothing seems to suffice. The success of my day wasn't measured by my job, or the turnout of my event or what I did after to celebrate. It was measured by how I felt. And thanks to Mastin, Serena, Jacob, a few co-workers, and a couple special shout-outs from my dad and close friends, darn it... I felt like a million bucks.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Check That Off The Bucket List: Palm Springs

Palm Springs.
It's been on my bucket list and, luckily, a girls' weekend trip took me there sooner than expected.
It was me, Ash, Cara-Mia, Lisa, and Tammy.

It just so happened to fall on the hottest weekend of the year with the temps hitting 120.
But I like to think that made it the true Palm Springs experience.
We stayed at The Saguaro. We ate yummy food. We got a LOT of sun. And did a little desert exploring.

If you haven't been to Palm Springs, it's like taking a step back in time to the 1950's. Everything is Mid-Century modern and marvelous. I just couldn't get enough of it.

Palm Springs is like it's own little private island [even if it's land-locked]
You get that small town feel, at a resort, in the middle of a beautiful community.
You feel the history there.
The old Hollywood mystique where stars used to go to getaway for a while.
And that's exactly what Palm Springs is...
A beautiful getaway.
A step back in time.
An oasis.

For pictures of the rest of our Palm Springs stay, stay tuned!

And, yes, I did color coordinate my nails with the hotel. What can I say, I "merchandise" myself well ;)

Monday, July 15, 2013

Time Alone With The Water, The Sun, And My Thoughts

This was my first full weekend in San Diego since... I don't even know when. I had been a social butterfly for the past couple months and was always gallivanting to some far off land like Riverside County or Orange County to see some lovely friends of mine. Last Saturday night, when I returned from a LONG but awesome day trip up to Orange County, it was the beginning of what was about to be a horrible week for me physically.

When I got home at 2am that night, I had the worst pressure in my neck. In the veins in my neck. I couldn't lean over. It hurt to lay down. I was miserable. I chugged a ton of water, thinking that might help but when I woke up in the morning, it was still there. The pain continued on everyday. Some mornings I'd wake up and it'd be on the side of my head. Or behind my eyes. I kept feeling my nose "pop" too which was very odd. I was also suffering with insomnia. One night/morning, I couldn't fall asleep until after 6am. Another morning, I even woke up to my entire abdominal/chest area locking up. It was absolutely terrifying. I had never experienced anything like it. I was miserable.

I had to cancel several plans with friends because I knew I had no other choice but to listen to my body. I've had a lot of stress and anxiety leading up to my new job position [which starts today] and the effects of all the socializing and traveling I had been doing lately completely burnt me out as an introvert. I knew I needed time alone. So, I went to the place where I always find peace...

I was just there. In the moment. Being. Living. Breathing. Taking in the beauty of life around me. The lapping of the water on the shore. The splashing sound as children and puppies ran into the water. The planes taking off not far in the distance. The way the sun felt as it bounced off the water and onto my skin. And in those moments, I was so happy. It was just what I had been needing. I needed some time alone, with the water, the sun, and my thoughts. That time is so important to me. It re-charges me, centers me, grounds me.

On Saturday night, after a couple hours in the sun, I slept soundly and peacefully for the first time in over a week. On Sunday, I returned to that same spot to read and again, take in the beauty of life around me. It seems like I write about this once every month at the times when life gets crazy and schedules get busy. We say "no" to ourselves and our needs in order to say "yes" to bosses and family members, friends, and errands. Yet time and time again, I see the negative effects of that constant cycle. I'm getting there. I'm getting better at saying "no" when I need to and saying "yes" to my "me" time. To just sit and reflect. I promise myself to set aside time, at least once each week, to go somewhere and take in the beauty of life around me.

I know this is something many of us struggle with, for various reasons. Finding balance. Whether it's 50/50, whether it's 30/70 or 90/10, find out what balance you need in your life. Find out how often. And find out what it is that puts you back together again. Be specific. Listen to your body [it's probably shouting it from the rooftops but you're too overwhelmed, like I was, to hear it!]

How do you find balance? What puts you back together?

Friday, July 12, 2013

A Career Stepping Stone

Again, I'm horrible about re-capping my life in sequential order. Stop yelling at me. However, last week, something kind of big happened in my life. In my career life.

I received what some may refer to as a "promotion." For a little background into what I do read here or here. Working for a start-up is... interesting to say the least. It's constant brainstorming, trying, re-trying, failing, growing, and many a sleepless nighting. I was brought on to be an event coordinator and before I knew it, I was also designing apparel and working on product development. It's amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it.

But this "promotion" of mine is something I worked my tush off for. I wanted it. Badly. And I showed how badly I wanted it. I realized if you want something bad enough, you'll make it happen. And I did. I put myself out there. I laid it all on the line. On Monday, I move into our new office and on Tuesday, we officially launch our line at our big fashion show.

It doesn't stop here, though. Oh no. It's really just beginning. There is a lot of work ahead of me. A lot of challenges. A lot of road blocks. After all...

"Expect problems and eat them for breakfast."

Yet, I know there will be opportunities. And lessons. And celebrations. Although there is so much already this Summer that is overwhelming me, there is so much to look forward to.

The best part of it all is that I'm still dreaming. I'm still scheming up bigger things. This is one huge stepping stone on the way to the next. The possibilities are endless and the possibilities I have in mind to accomplish... now those are what get me dancing out of bed every morning.

The truth is, we are the ones who offer promotions to ourselves in this life. We are the ones who ultimately decide how far we want to get. Never stop dreaming. Never stop working hard. Not for your employer, but for yourself.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Check That Off The Bucket List: Dane Cook

Do you have a bucket list? A bucket list that really means something to you? I do. And for some reason [okay, I know what the reason is] I've been checking more and more items off my list. It's one of the greatest feelings in the world.

When we're younger, we start our bucket list. And our bucket list items are most likely a bit cliche. Like, "Marry Nick Carter." But as we mature, we add items to our list that really mean something to us. Or they're something totally, completely out there that we just HAVE to do. Some are more serious and others are just off the wall. Either way, I love my bucket list and I am so absolutely pumped to see how so many of my items are coming into actual existence.

Since I've taken this blog of mine down the "here's what I'm learning about life as I go" path instead of the "here's what I'm doing every weekend" path, I've realized that I have been leaving some fun stuff out. Oh, like that time I went to Palm Springs for the first time? [Bucket list!] I should probably start with that bucket list item but since something so exciting just happened yesterday morning, I'm going to just let you in on another fun item I'll be checking off soon:

✔ See my favorite comedian live!

Bam. It's happening. In September, I'll be face to face with Dane Cook during his UnderOath Tour! Thanks to good ole Dane, I found out the password for the pre-sale tickets and scored some killer seats for the show two days before they officially went on sale! I am thrilled. If you know me, you know how much I have loved Dane for years. No matter how many times I watch his skits, it just seems to get even more hilarious. Not to mention, I quote him/reference his stand-up in everyday conversation. 

Here is the skit I've been referencing the most lately! Dane likes his swear words, so let this be your warning ;)

Is that not the truth? Man, he's good. Dane just gets me. He gets my sense of humor, that man. I love how physical and animated he gets on stage too. Marching around. Listen, some people like Will Ferrell one-liners. Me? I live for Dane Cook one-liners. Hang out with me for a while and you're bound to hear one. There may or may not even be titles of my Pinterest boards named after some of his lines...

Okay so, where are my fellow criers? I'm a crier. I cry during The Bachelorette. I cry during every single ASPCA commercial. I cry reading The Daily Love. If you're like me, you'll probably like this skit... on crying.

I'll just let you guess how many times I watched/listened to these skits yesterday. And, yes, I just wrote an entire blog post about Dane Cook. So if that doesn't tell you how much I look forward to checking this item off my bucket list, I don't know what will.

Who is your favorite comedian?

"You don't even know."

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

How To Have The "Letting Go" Conversation

In my last post, I talked about when people disappoint you. I said that it's inevitable, but once you start being disappointed more often than not in a relationship or friendship, it's time to take a good look at it and seriously consider whether or not it's time to let that person go.

In order to live a life of abundance, positivity, and love, we MUST surround ourselves with things and people of abundance, positivity and love as well. Must. There's just no way around it. In the past couple days, some of you asked me HOW? How we do we say goodbye to those people? How do we close those chapters of our lives for good in order to live the life truly meant for us? Let's start with this: 

Do not feel guilty. Do not make excuses for them. Life is precious and if a person continues to hurt you, disappoint you, or treat you disrespectfully, it is time to remove the toxicity from your life by letting them go. Remember, the specifics of the "letting go" conversation may differ depending on the relationship (the conversation you have with a family member will most likely be different than the conversation you have with an employer.) Once you've made that decision and have accepted that it might be a little tricky or painful, here is what I suggest:

Take a deep breath and find an appropriate time to talk. Keep the dialogue short, sweet, respectful, and to the point.

"I care about you and our friendship/relationship but this toxic cycle of you letting me down/ignoring my boundaries/disrespecting me is not something I'm willing to revisit again.  At this point, I think we should wish each other the best and go our own separate ways."

Again, this dialogue may differ depending on your specific situation but I have learned that the shorter you keep it, the better. If you're truly ready to let go and move on, no matter what the person's response is, it won't make a difference at this point. And if they continue to initiate dialogue with you via social media, text, email, etc. [or better yet, pretend like that conversation never even happened] I've learned:

 "Sometimes it's better to react with no reaction."

Respect yourself. Stay strong. And good luck. Have you had the "letting go" conversation? Feel free to share experiences you've had in the comments below!

Monday, July 8, 2013

When People Disappoint You

It was a tough week. Physically and emotionally. But there were miracles.

The Universe handed me several important lessons. Some lessons were learned when good opportunities came with loopholes. Or when the feeling of being deeply let down or hurt led me to rise to my feet again and find a better way.

The sudden death of my mom last February was a wake up call. It was the greatest lesson I could have learned. It was a second chance. To live. And through that second chance, my priorities shifted, my dreams re-aligned, my perception forever changed.

People are going to disappoint you. Friends, lovers, co-workers, strangers, even family members. It's inevitable. The only thing we can really control is how we react to being disappointed. In the past, I was quick to forgive. I was often too eager to move past the awkward "we're fighting" stage for whatever reason: we had been friends for so long already, I didn't want to be alone, but we had so much fun together, etc. After my mom died, that all changed. I had to re-examine everything. More importantly, when something tragic happens in your life, you find out who truly, truly cares for you.

Now, let me just say that I've always been the type of person who does not, will not, ask for help. When people have offered their help, it's always, "Oh, no it's okay, but thank you!" But when my mom died, I was immediately surrounded by angels on this earth. I will never, ever forget the way certain people have made me feel and continue to make me feel to this day. The people that stepped up, went/go out of their way, show me what it means to be loved. To really be loved. And that has changed everything for me.

I let go of the mediocre friendships. The people who never said, "thank you." The guys who wanted to have their cake and eat it too. Life is too short to be anything but happy, my friends. And I learned that part of being happy is surrounding yourself with people and things that align with your truest potential. People who support you in every sense.

Don't get me wrong. None of us are perfect. We each fall, and fail, and manage to let someone down from time to time. But examine what you tolerate. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Be able to tell the difference between someone who feels remorse and someone who is seeking a quick fix.

Recently, I've had to re-examine what I tolerate. I knew that in order to live a life of abundance, positivity, and love, I had to change the negative pattern I had of allowing people to fool me twice or thrice. As difficult as it was to cut the cord recently, I am grateful for the situations that occurred because they presented me with the opportunity to say, "That's it. I've had enough."

Examine what you tolerate. If you have friendships and relationships with people who disappoint you more often than not, ask yourself, does this relationship align with my values, with my purpose, with my happiness? Love yourself. Put your foot down. Make room in your life for the love and miracles that are meant for you. The miracles will come.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

When We Slip Down The Mountain

Monday, I conquered a mountain. Tuesday, I woke up feeling heartbroken and sad. I went on to start my day how I always do by reading The Daily Love. Mastin's post was about the promise of the morning. How life goes on and, each day, we get the chance to make a new decision about how it goes. We can achieve 1% more than we did yesterday. We can forgive ourselves 1% more. We can love ourselves 1% more.

Yet, there I was in that moment with a tear streaming down my face over this one thing that has left me so hung up for the past few months. The one thing I can't seem to get over or through. It is one of those things that is so beyond my own control that it feels like I should have control over it. Does that even make sense?

I have tried so hard to work through this one thing. I've listened to countless lectures. Read books. Memorized quotes. Written blog posts. Talked about it in person. I've tried so many different approaches to just let it go. Give it to the Universe.

And even though the day prior, I had conquered something as physically taxing as climbing a mountain (mere hours after getting back from 120 degree heat in Palm Springs) I was so disappointed in myself to still be bogged down by this one thing I couldn't get over or through. So, I'd go back and read Mastin's quote about achieving 1% more than we did yesterday. About forgiving ourselves 1% more. About loving ourselves 1% more. Yet, there I was... not feeling any of that 1%.

And that's not okay.

I could feel the inner roadblock that only I was causing and that frustrated me even more. Because I knew that I should be feeling that 1%.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I've done a lot of physical, emotional, and mental leg work in the past two years to get where I am today. I wanted to heal. I wanted to conquer. I wanted to live an abundant life. And I've been doing the work to get there... and stay there. But doing the work means uncovering some difficult things.

It means sometimes you're going to slip on your way up the mountain. You'll fall and tumble backwards on an unfamiliar trail that you don't know very well. During the first slip, maybe you only scrape your elbow. On the second slip, maybe you land on a rock and it takes you a bit longer to rise to your feet. By the third slip, you're exhausted and dizzy. But you rise to your feet yet again. You have to. You have to rise to your feet to move forward again. With no guarantee of whether you'll fall again or not. But to do the work, you must be willing to fall again and again and again.

Maybe, for now, the "rising to my feet again" part is my 1% after all...