Wednesday, July 3, 2013

When We Slip Down The Mountain


Monday, I conquered a mountain. Tuesday, I woke up feeling heartbroken and sad. I went on to start my day how I always do by reading The Daily Love. Mastin's post was about the promise of the morning. How life goes on and, each day, we get the chance to make a new decision about how it goes. We can achieve 1% more than we did yesterday. We can forgive ourselves 1% more. We can love ourselves 1% more.


Yet, there I was in that moment with a tear streaming down my face over this one thing that has left me so hung up for the past few months. The one thing I can't seem to get over or through. It is one of those things that is so beyond my own control that it feels like I should have control over it. Does that even make sense?

I have tried so hard to work through this one thing. I've listened to countless lectures. Read books. Memorized quotes. Written blog posts. Talked about it in person. I've tried so many different approaches to just let it go. Give it to the Universe.

And even though the day prior, I had conquered something as physically taxing as climbing a mountain (mere hours after getting back from 120 degree heat in Palm Springs) I was so disappointed in myself to still be bogged down by this one thing I couldn't get over or through. So, I'd go back and read Mastin's quote about achieving 1% more than we did yesterday. About forgiving ourselves 1% more. About loving ourselves 1% more. Yet, there I was... not feeling any of that 1%.

And that's not okay.

I could feel the inner roadblock that only I was causing and that frustrated me even more. Because I knew that I should be feeling that 1%.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I've done a lot of physical, emotional, and mental leg work in the past two years to get where I am today. I wanted to heal. I wanted to conquer. I wanted to live an abundant life. And I've been doing the work to get there... and stay there. But doing the work means uncovering some difficult things.

It means sometimes you're going to slip on your way up the mountain. You'll fall and tumble backwards on an unfamiliar trail that you don't know very well. During the first slip, maybe you only scrape your elbow. On the second slip, maybe you land on a rock and it takes you a bit longer to rise to your feet. By the third slip, you're exhausted and dizzy. But you rise to your feet yet again. You have to. You have to rise to your feet to move forward again. With no guarantee of whether you'll fall again or not. But to do the work, you must be willing to fall again and again and again.

Maybe, for now, the "rising to my feet again" part is my 1% after all...

14 comments:

Chelsea said...

Somethings just take longer than others, just let it all fall into place :)

Brook said...

I think it is amazingly self aware that you are able to articulate your feelings into these words. I've found that when I struggle, the reward is great. You are in my thoughts as you work on your 1%, and I have faith you'll exceed it!

Victoria said...

i totally relate...i think sometimes we get caught in a loop where we just keep focusing on the same thought/disappointment/issue over and over again and it takes energy and focus away from healing or moving on or just being happy in the moment. not sure what the solution is, but know that you're not the only one who feels this way sometimes!

JBean said...

Hi there,
I know what you're talking about. I had a difficult few years lately and there's one thing that still has a hold over me, no matter how much I've tried to work through it, journal about it, talk about, but I think the key is what you said. Trying to take the focus off that and onto everything else you have made progress on. I also wanted to let you know I signed up for The Daily Love emails per your recommendation and I have been loving them. He has some pretty powerful messages each day and sometimes I feel like they really hit home.
In any case, I think you are an amazingly inspiring person. I don't know how else to put it - you're bravely following your dreams with all your heart. So I just wanted to remind you of that!

Raquel said...

Everything just takes patience. Keep your head up girl!

Jennie said...

So glad you posted this! I know I have a "that one thing" also and I am sure many do and this will be so encouraging to them like it was to me! Sometimes the hardest part is letting go!! Somethings are just out of your control! Just remember you are loved and God is always in control and is always open to help us let go of that one thing we just cannot get through!

Jennie said...

So glad you posted this! I know I have a "that one thing" also and I am sure many do and this will be so encouraging to them like it was to me! Sometimes the hardest part is letting go!! Somethings are just out of your control! Just remember you are loved and God is always in control and is always open to help us let go of that one thing we just cannot get through!

Jenn @ West Sac Honey said...

I agree with the other comments.. it takes time but I can understand when it's hard..

Natalie Joseph said...

I completely get you .. It can be so frustrating when you feel like you 'should' feel a certain way and you don't SO I think you are right, sometimes just getting up is all the strength you have and we have to make peace with that.. Good luck with it...!

X Natalie

Http://coraltintedperceptions.blogspot.com

Katie Did What said...

YES. Just getting back up after a fall is a huge HUGE step and the only thing that you can do sometimes. It's all baby steps, that how I see life. Lots and lots of baby steps. But you keep on going, and you keep on remembering how many people love and care for you, and you just get up each morning and be as positive as you can. And when you can't be positive, you text your friends and lean on them :) (hint, hint). LOVE you Chelsea girl!!!

xo

Cody Doll said...

I am not sure what you are going through but know that you aren't alone. Getting back up is a HUGE accomplishment! Most people can't do that. Don't worry, in few years you won't be able to say you didn't try and that's what matters most.

Praying for you.

hangingbyaword.com said...

This really resonated with me. I hope you begin to feel more peace soon, Chelsea.

Natasha Cogings said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Natasha Cogings said...

This really touched me, I know exactly what you mean. Your writing is beautiful.