Wednesday, July 10, 2013

How To Have The "Letting Go" Conversation

In my last post, I talked about when people disappoint you. I said that it's inevitable, but once you start being disappointed more often than not in a relationship or friendship, it's time to take a good look at it and seriously consider whether or not it's time to let that person go.

In order to live a life of abundance, positivity, and love, we MUST surround ourselves with things and people of abundance, positivity and love as well. Must. There's just no way around it. In the past couple days, some of you asked me HOW? How we do we say goodbye to those people? How do we close those chapters of our lives for good in order to live the life truly meant for us? Let's start with this: 

Do not feel guilty. Do not make excuses for them. Life is precious and if a person continues to hurt you, disappoint you, or treat you disrespectfully, it is time to remove the toxicity from your life by letting them go. Remember, the specifics of the "letting go" conversation may differ depending on the relationship (the conversation you have with a family member will most likely be different than the conversation you have with an employer.) Once you've made that decision and have accepted that it might be a little tricky or painful, here is what I suggest:

Take a deep breath and find an appropriate time to talk. Keep the dialogue short, sweet, respectful, and to the point.

"I care about you and our friendship/relationship but this toxic cycle of you letting me down/ignoring my boundaries/disrespecting me is not something I'm willing to revisit again.  At this point, I think we should wish each other the best and go our own separate ways."

Again, this dialogue may differ depending on your specific situation but I have learned that the shorter you keep it, the better. If you're truly ready to let go and move on, no matter what the person's response is, it won't make a difference at this point. And if they continue to initiate dialogue with you via social media, text, email, etc. [or better yet, pretend like that conversation never even happened] I've learned:

 "Sometimes it's better to react with no reaction."

Respect yourself. Stay strong. And good luck. Have you had the "letting go" conversation? Feel free to share experiences you've had in the comments below!


Tammy @ Lemons, Avocados and the Bay said...

Ahh Chelsea, this is just what I needed to read this morning.

Thank you.

I'm really looking forward to seeing you on Saturday :) So happy you're coming

Chelsea said...

Love that quote! So true! I really need to show this to some people, just so they can move on and be happy. This truely does make me feel better about having to let go a close friend this past year. It was always in the back of my head, I felt like I was doing something wrong. But your right, in order to be happy, we must get rid of those causing us to be unhappy.

Ginny @ Buttergirl Diaries said...

I really love that last quote. Very simple but packs in so much emotion and truth.

I think it is hardest letting go of a family member. It is hard to set boundaries with family and when these boundaries are repeatedly crossed, it can be difficult to make the final move to let go and move on. Especially when other family members don't have the same feelings.

I wrote a great post similar to this one, on setting boundaries with people. Check it out if you have time.


Nicole M. Hutchison said...

Excellent post, my dear. I've had a "letting go" conversation, but it was more one-sided with me making the decision to move on with my life without a person who I felt was changing in very negative ways and in complete denial about her failing relationship despite an upcoming marriage. Fortunately, for all parties involved, the wedding was cancelled about two weeks prior. Unfortunately, I lost a friendship I had valued for almost a decade, but I am happier and healthier for it too. KEEP SMILING!!!!!

Stacia {simply stacia ~ the blog} said...

LOVED this and is what I have been going thru lately. story is a bit different. I have an ex who emotionally abused me for 18 months. I allowed this to happen. He also has an ex wife who he abused for 19 years. We became "friends", her and I, over the last month, to trade stories and "heal" by them. But...I felt emotionally held back, like I needed to be OUT of that whole drama circle, as I am FREE of him and have NO ties, as she does. I wished her well, and severed all ties. This also meant blocking her from all of my social media. Not because I think she is a bad person, but I, yes, I....need to heal and move on freely without any ties to that past I try everyday to move on from.

So. Exiting from others lives isn't a bad thing. Maybe it's what makes us heal faster in the end.

Love this and happy day to you!!

Natalie Joseph said...

I have had to have a similar conversation.

It went something like this :
"As much as we have been friends and have some really good times during our friendship, I think we are no longer in the same place we were when we became friends. I have learnt that I can't hold that against you or vice-a-versa. But everything has a season and I think our season has passed."

The person didn't react very well but with time we took away from one another it was better and then recently we started talking again and it's much better because it's about who we are now and not the version we think the other person needs us to be

Sorry, I didn't realise how long this comment would be...

x Natalie

Sue Allemand said...

So TRUE Chelsea! I've had to do it with friends - and sadly, some family members. It's always a tough decision. And sometimes there's no way to have an EXIT conversation with the person, because they just don't get it, the shift blame and just are not on a level to "hear" you. If they come to me and ask why I've quietly left their life - I will explain - but in some cases it will only cause more pain and drama. Life IS better on the other side though! Whichever way you have to EXIT to get to your happy place - it's better than staying in the heaviness of negative and toxic people! :)

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