This is My Journey

One month ago today was the day I left Utah. I drove away from the little life I made there for myself {and started to share with someone else} over the past year and a half. Although so many things happened in that short amount of time, at times I have felt like so little was accomplished.

I drive around my hometown now with license plates from another state and sometimes I feel odd. Kind of like those buildings that start being built and are never finished and they stand there alone, half-built. People stare at them wondering what happened.

With the exception of one blog post, I’ve kept most things private. I don’t sit around and talk to my {in real life} friends about it, I don’t go posting statuses on Facebook about it, and I no longer listen to Carrie Underwood’s “Sometimes You Leave” on repeat. {Don’t get any false impressions – I still don’t like country music.}

Just over one month ago when I was in that apartment alone with my cat, a couple million cardboard boxes, and some memories, my heart and mind were consumed with the feelings and thoughts of what was happening.

So, yes, moving back to Virginia has been refreshing and has allowed me to focus my thoughts and energy on other things. However, I know that moving doesn’t just erase everything and I remind myself everyday to use this time to learn and grow. I look back at where I was a month ago and two months ago, and already I can see a huge change in me and my strength as a woman. I realize that instead of a building that never gets completed, my story is more like that of one of my favorite structures…

The National Monument began being built in 1848. However, due to much turmoil around the time of the Civil War, construction was halted. It wasn’t until 1876 that construction resumed, this time with altered plans from the original design. Despite the turmoil, change in design, and even the two different colors of stone that had to be used, the monument was completed and stands tall today.

The truth is, my life hasn’t gone exactly as I planned. I started to build a life with the hopes of it blossoming. While sometimes I’ve looked back at the past year and a half feeling like all I really have are remnants of something that never grew into what I had planned, in reality, that period of time became part of the foundation that I built. Now, after the turmoil and the drastic change in design, I have continued to build upon that foundation. The plan may be different and the colors may have changed, but I’m on my way now.

While writing usually comes easily to me, this is the most difficult subject for me to find the words for. It’s a very true and personal time in my life so it’s important to me to find the balance of keeping what’s private, private while also remaining honest about my life.

After all, this is my journey. 

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