Yesterday was one of those emotional roller coaster days for me. Except, it wasn't really a roller coaster. It was more like a really fast car ride down a short but steep hill.
Don't worry, I have a great metaphor for you.
This weekend when I was driving out of town, I was going downhill on the freeway. Traffic was light to moderate. As I'm continuing to travel down this gradual hill, a huge cloud of thick, white smoke gushes out of a tanker truck that is in front of the car that's in front of me. The smoke immediately becomes so thick that it's hard to understand and see what is going on. It appeared as though the truck was starting to jackknife.
"Oh my gosh!" I said outloud to myself, terrified, scared, and not knowing what was happening. I hit my brakes, checked my rear-view mirror to be sure the car behind me was also braking. I was in the middle lane. People in the lanes beside me were running off the side of the road to keep themselves from colliding.
I hit those brakes, praying that whatever was happening to the truck ahead of me, that God would keep me and everyone else safe. As my car passed through the cloud of smoke, I saw the deep black skid marks left behind from the truck. Then, all of the drivers, including me, came to a near stop. I could sense the fear as I saw the drivers eventually start to slowly, very slowly, pick up speed again once the truck re-gained control.
That's what life is like sometimes. Out of nowhere, we're hit with this thick, cloud of smoke and we're left with nothing other than the tools of survival. We don't understand why things are happening but we know what we want the end result to be and we have to keep that picture in our minds as we are within the smoke.
Yesterday, a few hours after visiting my Mom's grave, I was hit with that metaphorical cloud of smoke. I've visited her grave every weekend thus far, and it's always been peaceful for me. But this time, hours later, I felt physically suffocated by that smoke and, as a result, felt the energy get sucked right out of me. It was odd to really feel that drain as it took place. I know that it was the grief. It hurt like heck and I didn't know what to do. So, I cried. I let it out until the smoke cleared.
When the smoke hits, hold on for dear life. It will clear.