When One Door Closes

I am about to embark on a new journey. At the beginning of December 2012, I made the trek from Virginia to California to my new home, San Diego. I "knew" a couple people through blogging and had some memories here as my brother called this same city home for a few years, but that was it. It had been a dream of mine for nearly a decade. I quickly fell in love all over again with America's Finest City.

It was in San Diego that I learned to love myself. I learned to forgive myself. I learned to open up my heart again. I learned to try new things. I learned how to be completely uncomfortable. I learned how to conquer fears. I learned more about myself in almost a year than I had my whole life. I prefer the road less traveled and feel inside out and upside down when I'm on any path but that one. And the best part is, I've finally accepted that about myself. It's never felt so good to not only accept myself, all my quirks, flaws, and lessons to learn, but to love myself for them.

It's kind of like finding your own written signature. Growing up, you're taught how to write: How to hold the pencil, each letter of the alphabet, how to write your name, how to write in cursive, and then eventually, you start signing your name. In most cases, this signature of yours changes a bit throughout the years until you find something that really sticks. Then it's you, it's yours. That signature is you.

Well, throughout my life I was guided and taught. By my parents, my siblings, my friends, my mentors, and by life. About two years ago, when I was at a huge crossroad in my life, I found a counselor who, looking back, helped me create a breakthrough during the most painful part of my life thus far. She challenged me, listened to me, made me question things I had never thought about, and through our time together, I really woke the hell up. 

Aside from helping me develop my process of healing, she also helped me tremendously with starting to finding my purpose, something I had struggled with. Through some extensive journaling, exercises, and discussions about my Myers-Briggs Profile [INFJ!] I realized that I really had not been living to my truest potential, my truest calling, my truth! I played around with the idea of going into certain INFJ-appropriate professions since the event planning/marketing route just never felt very "me" despite my crazy attention for detail and need for having everything planned. However, those ideas never really panned out. I trusted that when it was right, it would come to me but, for the time being, I needed to move. I needed to stop putting off my dream to live in San Diego.

I moved to San Diego. With my cat, some belongings, and some memories already made in this new city of mine. I spent a great deal of time studying, reading, and in seminars about finding my purpose, my true potential, and living a life of positive vibes and energy. I was being given all the "life tools" I needed and finally developed my "signature." 

I started making some new friends, and met a dude who intrigued me, challenged me, and started to open my heart up for the first time in years. After applying for many jobs, I began an internship coordinating events in the surf industry, the industry I wanted to work in since I was little. I'm sure it sounds exhilarating, and don't get me wrong... working surf events really was a dream come true for me but I started to notice how out of harmony my life was becoming. "Work" started to consume my life. I was working about 60 hours a week. My runs through Balboa were no longer existent, I was getting sick, had no social life, and my meditations and reading practices I had established weren't happening anymore. There's a period on my blog back in April where all I seemed to write about was the importance of balance.

I realized the importance of living a life in harmony with your values, your dreams, and your purpose and this "internship that might turn into a full-time job" was taking top priority and, because of that, everything else started to shut down. Since this was a start-up company, taking a long time to start up, I decided that if I wasn't going to get paid, it was time to find something else. However, the company decided they could pay me but that didn't change the fact that if something doesn't feel right, it's not right. I suffered with insomnia and migraines for two weeks straight after I started getting paid. I felt so conflicted and uncomfortable working for this company. All the harmony I had worked so hard to instill within my heart felt like it was being ripped apart with a chainsaw.

Long story short, the Universe loves to teach me lessons the hard way. Mainly because I'm stubborn and that's the only way to really hand it to me. I knew deep in my soul that this was not the career path meant for me. I had known for some time. I knew where I should be headed instead but yet there I was, still working, not in harmony. The longer I worked for this ego-driven company, the more conflicted I felt. I knew I needed to leave. But then there was the worry of not having a paycheck. Well, like I said... the Universe always seems to handle the rest. I had been feeling pretty intuitive that something was going to happen on the job front and sure enough, one day, just as I was about to head home for the evening, my supervisor decided to show up and tell me the company is too in debt to afford me any longer. And that was that.

And it was in that moment that I felt my faith. I smiled, packed up my office, and left 5 minutes later, never to return again. I left, completely unaware of what was going to happen now but with total trust in the Universe. I remember saying that in my head as he delivered the news. I kept saying, "I know the Universe has a plan. I know it." I was relieved. I was at peace. I was happy to be on my way out the door that day KNOWING the Universe had a BETTER plan for me!

As soon as I got home, I shut the door and dropped to my knees in the middle of my living room and said, 

"Alright, Universe. Let's do this!" 

...to be continued.