Tuesday, October 8, 2013

My Advice for the Single Girls

Oh, the single life. This is the longest I've steadily gone, well, not steady. Get it? I'm enjoying my time, learning about myself, and getting my life (and body and spirit) in the best shape ever. But, back in the day, things were a little different. It started back in elementary school, receiving notes with instructions:

"Will you go out with me? Check yes, or no."

So bossy. And then guys started surprising you in middle school with carnations delivered straight to your classroom on Valentine's Day. Or a bouquet of flowers at your locker in high school from the guy you seriously thought you'd end up marrying and the two of you already had your kids' names picked out. No? Just me?

Then it was time to move away to college where, for many of us, it was the first time we really dated anyone from outside our hometown. Some couples ended up graduating and getting married while others, like myself, continued on with the dating game. While I'm not an expert, I've had my fair share of being in a relationship, being single, and even being married (if even for a short while.) I learned a lot and thought now would be a good time to pass on some of my "wisdom" (since I'm getting married soon.) Just kidding!

1. Enjoy your "you" time:

Take yourself out to dinner or lunch or out to coffee where you'll spend the day people watching. Start a new journal. Volunteer. Adopt an animal. Go on vacation. Take the time to love yourself again. Break-ups can be hard and it does take a while for your heart to mend. Instead of rushing right back into a relationship, embrace your time alone. Find how empowering it can be to just be you and be beautiful and know that you are enough.

2. Define what being "single" means to you:

Being single can seem like such a negative thing sometimes. Especially once you see so many of your friends getting married and having children. Being single does not mean you are broken. And I really think we need to stop viewing it that way. Find the beauty in being single. The world is your oyster.

3. Date:

Once you have healed from your breakup and feel ready to get back out there, just date. Get to know some different people. Break out of your "type." You could end up with someone you'd least expect or you could find you were spot on with the kind of partner you wanted. Just see what's out there and don't have a timeline.

4. Throw away the timeline:

You know what I'm talking about. When I was younger, I had the age I wanted to be married by, have my first child by, etc. Throw that out the door because it will get you nowhere. Focus on baking the best cake you could ever imagine (the cake=your life) and then when the time is right, the right partner for you will come into your life and be the icing on top!

5. Challenge yourself:

While you're enjoying your "you" time, defining what single means to you, going on dates, and throwing away the timeline, find some ways to challenge yourself. Maybe you haven't been much of a cook. Find a recipe a week that you want to try! Maybe you haven't been much of a reader. Get yourself a library card and spend the day browsing the shelves, taking home a stack of books to dive into on the couch each night! Maybe you hate running. Put those running shoes on, find somewhere beautiful, and go for a run, breathing in the air around you.

This time of being single is so special. It really is. As wonderful and exciting as it will be once we find our soulmate, hold our first child, buy our first home, etc. how cool is it to have the whole world at our fingertips? It's all right there for you! Take advantage of this time. Soak it up. Enjoy going to bed whenever you feel like, singing in the shower, browsing the aisles at the grocery store for something new, spending all afternoon in the bathroom just to try new hairstyles, learning new things about yourself. What ever helps you embrace being single, being you.

So, single ladies, I want to hear from you! What things have you been embracing while single? :)


Kara said...

I really love this post :) I am recently single after a long distance, long term relationship and am in the process of sinking and floating through the emotion of it all.

I have found that being single provides the opportunity to re-discover yourself. I have done several of the things you mention, new hairstyles, new makeup :)

My favorite part is just being able to know that I can take care of myself (for the most part).

The Pink Growl said...

PREACHING TO MY SOUL SISTA!!! You know the struggles I've been through with finding myself in being single over the past year too, but this is SPOT ON! Love the positive spin on it, because let's be honest it can be a blessing in disguise when you find yourself single. Alone doesn't mean lonely, and you are never really alone. XOXOX

Jenn @ A Country Girl's World said...

Love this. I actually enjoyed my single time and really wasn't even looking for anything when Josh came along. I really enjoyed my "me" time and still find ways to do that. I am one of those who doesn't mind going to dinner, seeing a movie, or shopping alone and sometimes I prefer it. These are great pieces of advice :)

Jenn @ West Sac Honey said...

Couldn't agree more! I'm fully single these days.. I had someone long distance after my ex and I broke up and now I'm actually SINGLE which is a breathe of fresh air.. Southwest just released dates for cheap flights only $49 to SD!

Katie said...

I definitely agree that you have to throw away the timeline. I'm not in love with being single, but that is certainly something that is important.

Rachel said...

I think these are definitely the things that I, even as not-single person would want to tell the girls who are single. Enjoy it! It's a totally different stage in life, and in reality, there are some things you can do when you're single that you can't do as easily when you're married and have someone else's life to think about. If I wasn't married, I would have spent a semester abroad when I was in college. But I didn't want to be away from my husband for months at a time, and he didn't want that either, so I didn't. If I'd been single, the choice would have been easy!

JBean said...

I actually used to like being single but I've been single for so long now that I'm beginning to wonder if my other half has met an early demise and perhaps I'll never meet him?!?

Jessie @ The Healthy Spread said...

Great post! I've been single for almost a year (after a 4-year relationship that I broke off) and it's been interesting! It's sometimes hard, but I've learned SO MUCH about myself and I feel like I've really grown into who I am. I'm happy, busy and loving life - something I wasn't doing with my latest boyfriend. It's hard sometimes when I see him postin' lovey pictures with his new GF sometimes, but it's mostly just because I get lonely. This time is totally worth it for me, though. I have nothing holding me back from what I want to do! The only thing I need to start doing is dating and breaking out of my "type" like talk about up there. I kind of gave up on dating a few months ago and haven't really looked or anything since then. Oh well! I'm having fun just being me.

Brianna said...

Amen! This is all too true. Even thought relationships make me squirm a little still... it is SO important to take advantage of "me" time.
I was talking about this with my best friend the other day... we are in our 20s... we'll only have this time ONCE in our life. The time where we are just starting our careers, have flexibility, have opportunities to travel, have no responsibilities outside our own... it's easy to get down on ourselves during singledom but it's SO great to embrace it.
I'm all, HELL, I'm going to go on a shopping spree and I have no one to tell me no! And it's awesome (:

Natalie Joseph said...

This post is once again so relevant in my life.
I think the most challenging thing about being single is the timeline - I struggle with this all the time.
Also - I see how badly my mother wants to be a grandparent and I feel bad for making her wait (while I'm waiting!)

x Nats ~ coraltintedperceptions.blogspot.com