Dear Future Husband

I sit here today, wondering who you are. The color of your eyes, the texture of your hair, your favorite food, and how many siblings you have. I wonder about your biggest dreams, your fears, and the sound of your voice.

I get excited thinking of learning the little things about you. You know - how you sleep at night, what kind of pizza you order, and what advice you'll give when I start to feel sick. I look forward to our first several dates and the excitement that will build as we hold hands for the first time and share our first kiss. 

I know when the time is right, you'll come into my life. You'll show me why this crazy path I've been on happened the way that it did. You'll help me realize why it took so long to get to you. And I'll be grateful for it all. Because at that moment, that moment when you ask me to marry you, I'll know it's forever love.

I know you'll keep me safe.
I know you'll be true.
I know you'll love me. Truly love me.
I know you'll show up for me.
I know you'll be my backbone when life's tragedies hit.

But most importantly, I look forward to being each other's best friend. To how proud I'm going to be that I'm the one who gets to be there by your side looking up at you. Because of you, I'll know what it feels like to finally find my soul's mate and share a bond deeper than I can even find words for.

One day, it will be you in the space next to me as I sleep. It will be you sitting next to me as we drive. It will be you next to me in pictures. It will be you whose voice whispers, "I love you." One day, our hearts will be connected, your hand will be in mine. And our souls will join forever.

All my love,
Your Future Wife

Everything Happens for a Reason?

It is a very rare and special occasion that I get home and immediately just sink into the floor of my living room and stay there for quite some time with the biggest grin on my face. Unable to move; paralyzed by a sudden and deep and real feeling of happiness.

My senses were awakened by the promising possibility of something so simple and hoped for yet deep and beautifully surprising.

I drove through Downtown San Diego last night and the city was truly alive. The traffic lights as they flashed from red to green were vibrant and lined the streets in a way I never noticed before. I could feel every groove and dip in the pavement as my car cruised from 1st Avenue to 2nd and 3rd and so on. Even the usual urgency of the railroad crossing lights and bells brought me a sense of peace as I waited. And the freeway? Well, the freeway just felt like it was mine that night.

The touch of the breeze through my window was what really did it. It always does it for me. Kind of like the sunset. We'll have to save the sunset for a later post. But the breeze was the perfect ending to the night before I got home and sunk into my living room floor with a feeling I haven't felt in... who knows how long? Or perhaps I never have felt this way. Who am I to measure?

Life has changed and so have I. The things that happen to me now, the people placed into my life and the way they make me feel whether good or bad means something different to me in this phase of my life.

And to think that the sunset [life] only got better after this first picture...

I have no idea what is about to happen next. All I know is that I felt the way I described above because of one person. One person who was unexpectedly yet so perfectly placed into my life at this very point.

I'm a believer that everything happens for a reason. You know what I mean - the big things. The important things. Somehow, someway... the good things [and even the bad things] are aligned in our life for us. And I know without a doubt that every one of those good and bad things brought me right here and now where I am. To San Diego. To experience the many wonderful things that are currently aligning. Including the happiness, the inspiration, the passion, and constant reminders of life's beauty that this person has brought to my life. [Whoa, that's deep. I know. Who am I? Me? Deep?] But I don't care. I want to be transparent. I want to always, always speak from my heart when it guides me.

Sometimes it's scary to look everything in the eye and accept that maybe... just maybe, something incredible is really happening. Maybe even if we don't know it at the time, we do have the key to unlock it all. And if we follow our heart completely, remain true, and continue on passionately, the key will continue to unlock many wonderful and beautiful things. Things that were aligned perfectly for us. Because everything does happen for a reason ;)

Accept the Experiences

"I read something yesterday that said that our goal here is not to do things perfectly, to get it right, or to not get hurt. Our goal is to become so strong, so rooted in our faith, so available for love that it doesn’t matter if we fall or get hurt because we accept every bit of it as an experience that was created uniquely for us; custom-built just for us in this moment in time. When we change, when we actually make the decision to change and make a new choice – life opens up."

--

I read that from an old post written back in January and it still speaks volumes to me. The thought of falling in love again is absolutely terrifying for me. Spending time this past week with someone who has been a part of my life for many years and feeling that little flutter again after all this time is so refreshing and eye-opening and hopeful.

I think there are some people in this world that our hearts will always pull toward.

And that scares me. How do you know what things to go after in life? What things are meant for you forever and what things are meant for you for a period of time, however long or short? What things are just far-fetched dreams and what things are within reach, waiting for you to embrace them and never let go?

[via]

While some of this is about love, some of it is just about life.

I know I have to make myself available to it. Even if I fall and get hurt again and again and again, it is about the experience that was created specifically and uniquely just for me. 

Life will open up. Love will open up.

You just have to let go, have faith. There are some situations we can look at and think, "I have no idea how this is going to work out." But if we want it, and it is right for us, and in harmony with the rest of our plan, it will happen.