Scenes from the Holidays | Thanksgiving

Life has been moving so quickly lately. I realized I never even wrote about the holiday season so today, let's take a step back in time. As much as I love the West Coast, it was definitely nice to be back on the East Coast with family for the holidays. My grandma lives up on the Jersey Shore where my dad was born and raised so we made plans to go visit her and my uncle on Thanksgiving. It was a beautiful, beautiful day.

While my uncle was getting everything ready for Thanksgiving dinner, my dad, my grandma, and I ventured over to the perfect looking out point where I used to go when I was younger. On the crisp, sunny Fall day, we looked out at Manhattan's new skyline. The new One World Trade Center (on the left) stands tall above the Big Apple and it was so lovely to be standing there, a couple weeks after returning back from California.

We drove around the Shore, taking a drive down the beach my dad frequented as a kid. It was so sad to see how destroyed the area still was after Hurricane Sandy. Gas stations were still wiped out. Houses sat abandoned, their siding torn apart, windows missing. Beach clubs were still being rebuilt. You could feel the effect as you drove along the beach. It was still there in the air as lives were forever changed along with so much history.

When we got back to my grandma's house, I had some time to sit with her and talk. My grandma just turned 91 in January so her memory can sometimes be a little in and out. I explained to her how I had just moved back to the East Coast and that my dad and I (and my cat, Stella) had come up to visit for the day. Although I had to remind her a couple times, she would smile that beautiful smile of hers that gave me so much comfort.

I talked with her as we went through her wedding album and I saw pictures of her and my grandpa (who passed away when I was in high school.) She told me stories about her five children and the trouble my dad and uncle would cause :)

It was so wonderful to have that time with her. Especially since I don't have that time with my mother anymore and never met my other grandmother. It was just the two of us girls. Talking about family and careers and life.

Then, my dad took me out to the garage where I knew I'd find his old surfboards. His surfboards that are now worth a heck of a lot of money but don't worry - he'll never sell these bad boys. I just want him to fix them up and put them on display. My dad and his love for surfing are the reason I have always loved all things surf-related too. It's in my blood.

Eventually, the four of us sat down for dinner and had a couple glasses of wine. It was such a special feeling to have a glass of wine with my 90-year-old grandmother.

My great-grandparents immigrated to the U.S. from Poland so my grandma grew up in a Polish Catholic household. We sat and spoke some Polish for old times' sake and broke the bread.

I was sitting there in the dining room where I had dinner with both of my parents, my brother, and both of my grandparents when I was a little nine-year-old, on her way to New York for acting. The same dining room where I had spent Thanksgiving with my aunt and cousins when they were visiting from Australia. The same dining room where my father ate every meal growing up. And although it was a small meal, and there were only four of us around the table, I was just happy and blessed to be there.

It was a wonderful trip and a wonderful Thanksgiving. I look forward to going back again soon.

The Truth About Christmas Without Mom

If you've lost your mother, you may hear a phrase every so often: "I know this time of year is tough for you." Right now, Christmastime is that time of the year. This will be the second Christmas without my mom and I must say, it's much more difficult than last year was.

My last Christmas picture with my mom. 2009 at my work Holiday Party.

Last year was the first Christmas without my mom alive. I had moved to San Diego and flew back to the East Coast for about a week to spend time with family for what I knew was going to be a tough holiday for us. Although the year of "firsts" is painful, the shock of her death, at least for me, was still very much a factor last year. There was a lot of numbness, as I will still undergoing the different stages of grief. The death of my mother was unexpected and came without much warning. I went from having an argument with my mom one day to sitting by her bedside in the hospital as she took her last breath several days later. We had no idea, none at all, that 2011 would or even could be our last Christmas with her.

So Christmas 2012 was all about it "being the first Christmas without Mom." The numbness still wearing off, coupled with the pressure of trying to make it a good Christmas despite the empty chair at our dinner table, meant the utter pain was not as evident. It was masked. We all tried extra hard to feel the love she created every Christmas.

But this year, this Christmas... I feel double the amount of pain as last year. I'm no longer numb. I could feel the deep, pulsating pain as it started creeping in around Thanksgiving. I could start to sense it in my other family members too. My parents' house went undecorated. The Christmas tree remained unlit. The Spirit of Christmas was nowhere to be found and every time "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" found its way onto the radio, I found myself rolling my eyes.

I tried to feel the Magic. I tried to get excited thinking about candy canes and snowflakes and stockings hung up. But, well, there were no candy canes, snowflakes, or stockings this year. My mom was the Spirit of Christmas. She was the one to decorate the house so magically, to dress up the presents with perfect ribbons and bows and to get the family all excited for spending the holiday together. As much as I've tried to keep them going, I've seen the traditions fade away this year. I've felt the pain with every mention of "Christmas." It's a shame, but it's the truth and that's why I'm writing about it here today.

Because I know that there are other people out there, some which I know personally and some that are strangers who are feeling this same pain that I write about. They know deep down, aside from all of the fluff and positive talk that nothing will replace the void that is felt while looking at the empty chair at the table and seeing the bare spot under the tree where her presents once were placed.

Part of my heart will forever be hollow all year, but during this time especially. I know that one day, with my own children, my heart will be filled in a different way. But nothing, nothing at all, will ever erase the pain of not having my sweet mom on Christmas.

She is missed.

I Breathe Deep for My Mom 2013

Soon after I found out about my mom's cancer (less than 48 hours before she died) I started following Lungevity on social media. Lungevity Foundation is dedicated to funding lung cancer research and supporting those affected by lung cancer. Lung cancer is by far the leading cause of cancer death among both men and women. Each year, more people die of lung cancer than of colon, breast, and prostate cancers combined. And in 2012, my mom was one of them.

While I was in San Diego, I had decided that I wanted to take part in the Lungevity Breathe Deep 5k. It ended up working out perfectly. Because of my recent move to the East Coast, I was happy that my family wanted to take part in Breathe Deep DC which took place on the National Mall on November 2nd.

It was a blustery, cold morning and this California Girl could barely handle it! Talk about a wake-up call! Luckily, my favorite weatherman Doug Kammerer made an appearance AND my niece was attached to my hip, literally, which added some extra warmth :)

You know you're cold when you will gladly carry your three-year-old niece during a leg of a 5k just so she can keep you warm/you can move a little faster ;) The sun finally started to peek through as we neared the Lincoln Memorial. I explained to my niece, Aubrey, that Mr. Lincoln lives there and she asked, "Well… can I go in and hug him?" :)

We each wore a sticker that day that said, "I breathe deep for________" and mine read, "My Mom :)" It was a wonderful experience to be there in our nation's capitol with many other people and families whose lives have been affected by this horrible cancer. To see survivors there. To see the pictures of those lost. To see the smiles and hope from coming together for a cause. It was a beautiful weekend.

I told Aubrey that "Grammie" was waiting for us at the finish line but that we couldn't see her, we just had to wave up to the sky. I know my mom was there, waiting for us, cheering us on.

Not just that day but everyday, I breathe deep for My Mom.

A Timeless Family Locket

Nearly one year ago, I was preparing to leave my hometown in the DC suburbs to move to San Diego. I spent one morning going through a bunch of my mom's belongings, to decide what I wanted to take with me. I found beautiful vintage jewelry she had worn back when she was my age, her bracelet from the hospital when she was born, and this...

A golden locket with pictures of my mom's beautiful mother and her handsome father. The two grandparents I never had the chance to meet. I often think about what they would have been like. I've always looked in awe at the few black and white pictures I've seen of them because, although they're family, they're so untouchable. All I'll know of them is those pictures. I'll never know the sound of their voices or how they hugged me.

My mom's mother passed away suddenly when my mom was only 13 but from the pictures I've seen, she was absolutely beautiful. Her smile was so radiant and contagious and reminds me so much of my mom's. I wonder about the dreams she had for her only daughter, my mom. I feel such a special connection to her. A desire to be just like what I imagine she would have been like. I know she was there to embrace my mom last February and I know they're up there now, sitting together, watching me and smiling.

This post was surprisingly very difficult for me to get through. I didn't think I'd be struck with such grief upon discussing the two grandparents that were gone before I was born. But they remind me of the loss of my mom. They remind me of how precious our time here on Earth is. How precious our time with our parents truly is. There are so many questions I wish I could ask my mom. There are so many moments I didn't get to share with her. I know how deeply the loss of her mom wrecked her and completely uprooted the rest of her life here. I know the peace she had as she passed into the next life, knowing she would finally be reunited with her own sweet mother. And that helps. To know that although we lost her, she gained her mom by her side again.

One day, I'll gain my mom by my side again. And I'll finally meet her mother and father, and I'll finally know their voices and feel how they hug me.

Where I Come From

Alexandria, Virginia. The city I was born in. The city I frequented on hot, muggy Summer nights and crisp, chilly Winter evenings. It's the city (one of them) I went to school in and the city where much of my mom's side of the family is rooted and also buried in. In August, when I went home, it had been the longest since I had seen this town that borders Washington, D.C. and sits right on the Potomac River.

I fell in love with it all over again. The cobblestone streets, the rich history in every brick building you walk past, the stories that have been passed on to me about my ancestors. In the twenty-some years I lived in Northern Virginia, it changed and transformed every year. Trees were knocked down, government buildings were put up in their place, houses built one on top of the other. But I knew, for the most part, I could go to Old Town, Alexandria or into the Nation's Capitol and I'd see the sights I knew I could always count on.

I come from a mother born in the same town as I, and a father born at the Jersey Shore. My family, with our imperfections and all, come from a place of love and the belief to always do what is right.

I come from a neighborhood where we'd play outside until the sun went down and the lightning bugs came out.

I come from a home on a hill flooded with sunlight, surrounded by trees centuries and centuries old.

But most importantly to me, after all these years is that I come from a family with wonderful memories. Through all of life's ups and downs, its celebrations and losses, I have beautiful pictures to look back on, stories to laugh about, mementos in my childhood home that remind me that where I come from... it makes me who I am today. And for that, I am forever grateful.

This is the first entry of mine in the Blogtember series, hosted by Jenni. I hope you'll stop by again throughout the month of September :)

Cherishing Home

As I write this, I lie in my childhood bedroom. A room that has changed as I have, yet always welcomes me despite which country, state, or lifestyle I am returning from. I felt the same way as I landed at Reagan National Airport this morning in DC, with the Washington Monument being repaired in the background. I felt as though I had never really left.

I was home.

Although San Diego has been made into my home now, my DC suburban town will always be my hometown. These streets will always know my name. And I will always have the stories to cherish and memories to reflect back on during the times when life leaves me feeling alone.

I am home.

And for the first time ever, I feel homesick while here in my hometown. I miss this being my house. My room. My bed. I miss the colors of the wall and the sound my feet make as they race up the hardwood stairs. I miss the memories of Mom throughout the house. I already feel the pain of having to say "see you later" to these things in just a few short days.

But while I can, I shall cherish them. And what ever it is that you have today, I hope you cherish it too.

I am home.

I am home.

I am home.

Wishing a Happy Birthday today to the most amazing man I know, my Dad!

One Picture Will Be The Last

I was talking on the phone with my dad the other day and I mentioned how, in my mind, my mom will always be the age she was when she died. I forget that she would have continued to age with each birthday, just as I have. I forget about the age I had just recently turned when I lost her. 

The time without my mom has passed so quickly yet it painfully creeps by day by day. I was looking at pictures earlier. There are so many pictures of the two of us; me and my mom. I go to each picture and try to think back to when it was taken, where we were, how old I was, what drama was going on in my life that seemed like it was the end of the world. And I would do anything to take another picture, she and I, here on Earth.

You don't realize when the last picture you take with a loved one will be. It scares the hell out of me and is something that deeply, deeply saddens me when I look back at the time while my mom was still alive. The last picture I took with my mom was over a year before she died. I didn't even get a picture with her on Thanksgiving or Christmas. I took pictures of her with my niece and nephew and dad but I didn't get one with her. And that breaks my heart more than I can explain.

Recently, I booked a flight home to visit my dad for his birthday in a few weeks. It will be my first time returning since Christmas. I will be getting back to San Diego from a work trip in Las Vegas and then hopping on a flight a few hours later to go to DC. My dad felt bad because he knew it'd be a lot on me because of the work trip and my anxiety with flying and he said I could wait until next month. But birthdays are birthdays. I missed my mom's last birthdays before she died because I was living in another state and I'm not willing to miss my dad's birthday this year. Life is short. Shorter than we truly realize until something tragic happens.

Don't wait.

Visit your family. Take more than enough pictures. And keep your loved ones all around you. Even when you live far away. Find a way.

Memories of Virginia Beach

I remember it so vividly. I'd wake up early in the morning, swing my little feet over the edge of the bed and onto the carpet. I'd see my dad sitting at the table with his cup of coffee from 7-Eleven and a newspaper. I'd grab a chocolate Entenmann's donut and quietly pull the sliding glass door to the side, stepping out onto the balcony.

I'd immediately feel the warm, August morning sun on my skin and hear the soft crashes of the waves in the distance, the seagulls as they swept through the sky just several arm's lengths away, and the clink of bikes as the lifeguards rode in for the new day. It was a typical vacation morning. Just like the vacation mornings the year before, yet, it never got old.

I still remember the peace I'd feel as a young girl - just me and the sights and sounds of those August mornings. Eventually, I'd hear the glass door behind me push open and I'd look to see my mom's sleepy smile as she came out to say good morning to the coast. My brother would soon follow to sit in the morning sun. The three of us would watch as the umbrella and chair rentals were slowly set up and beach-goers started to fill the sand.

Then, it was our turn. After finishing breakfast and throwing on our bathing suits, we'd all walk down to the beach with our arms full of towels, coolers, bags, and chairs... ready for a full day in the sun. My brother and I would throw our stuff down and race into the warm salt water, seeing who would fall first into the sea. It was tradition :)

After that point, it was just me and the sea. I'd flick my hands back and forth through the water, ride the waves in until my knees were scraped up from the ocean floor, and spend the entire day in my favorite place - the ocean.

At night, after getting showered, and going out for dinner on the boardwalk, and walking "The Strip," my brother and I spent hours out on that balcony watching the evening crowd walk, jog, and sit on the boardwalk below us. It was our happy place, our way to re-charge, our time to be a family :)

I'll never forget our family vacations. I'll never forget these Virginia Beach memories from years ago. They hold a special place in my heart and now, whenever I return, my heart is full of all of the above.

All pictures were taken during our "half family" vacation when I went to Virginia Beach with my brother and his little family this past September :)

Mom

The right words were hard to find today. As many of you know, on February 22, 2012 I lost my sweet mom to cancer after less than 48 hours of knowing she had it. Her death turned my world upside down and has changed the way I live my life everyday moving forward. Today, in honor of my mom, I am donating my hair to Pantene Beautiful Lengths so that a woman who is undergoing treatment for cancer can have a free wig if she so chooses.

I wish there was something I could have done to help my mom. To save her. To comfort her. But there are some moments in life that are completely out of our control. Losing her was one of them.

I recently went back and re-read a post from my old blog. It was posted on Mother's Day 2011, the final Mother's Day that my mom would be alive for, although none of us knew it at the time. The comment that follows my post is the one comment I received that day. The comment is from her; my sweet mom.

-- 

“Mama said there’ll be days like this | There’ll be days like this my mama said”

This is my second Mother’s Day apart from my mom; 2,000 miles away. Whether it’s Mother’s Day or any other day, I miss my mom. She’s conquered more in her life than anyone else I know – and that includes successfully raising me ; ) She’s my hero, my friend, my teacher, my coach, my mother and I don’t know where I’d be without her.

Moving far away, being on my own, and so far away from all my friends and family has truly put everything into perspective for me. Whether it’s decorating, cooking, cleaning, shopping, taking care of the cat, finances, you name it… I consistently think of the examples my mom has given me. She can do it all. It’s taken twenty-five years for me to realize I really should have always listened to my mom. She was always right in the end. But, I guess I’m supposed to make mistakes; to find out the hard way — that’s part of growing up I guess. I still don’t know it all. I call my mom every day practically. Whether it’s for advice, to tell her good news, to complain, to cry, to tell her something funny I saw online, or just to tell her I miss her, she’s a phone call away and you better believe I pick up that phone.

It’s changed a lot from when I was a teenager and hanging out with my parents or going shopping with my mom just wasn’t the cool thing to do. Now, the people I miss most in my life are my parents and I’d shout it from the rooftops. I miss going shopping with my mom and picking up a delicious sour cream & onion Auntie Anne’s pretzel and splitting a Mr. Pibb with her. Every detail. I miss it.

“You’ve given me everything that I will need

To make it through this crazy thing called life.

And I know you watched me grow up

And only want what’s best for me.”

My mom has been there for everything in my life. For all the hours she spent back and forth taking me to dance classes, and never missing a single performance, I’ll be forever grateful. From being the “room mom,” to checking the current weather in Utah, she’s always been present in my life. She’s never let me take the easy way out in life though. She’s shown me that doing the right thing, although not the easiest way, will make me feel better in the end and get me further in life. She’s shown me through the trials she’s encountered in her life what true strength is. I want her to know how much I miss her. More importantly, I want her to know what a lasting impression she’s had on my life and what an inspiration as a mother, wife, and woman she has been to me. I know she probably couldn’t tell from how I acted when I was seventeen or even twenty-one, and maybe she can’t feel it from 2,000 miles away, but she means the world to me. She’s my mom. She’s played the most important role anyone will ever play in my life. I love her so much.

I wish more than anything I was just a short drive away from her and that we could randomly decide to go to the mall together or the bookstore to hang out. The distance makes you realize never to take those things for granted. I hope one day soon I’m back home for good and can share those special mother/daughter moments with her because they are so precious and can’t be shared with anyone else. But for now, I want her to know I’m okay and I miss her.

“Mama I’m okay out here
I’ve seen how hard the world can be
My step is sure and I know my name
I’m strong just like you prayed I’d be
I’m strong just like you prayed I’d be”

I’m my mom’s only daughter and she’s my only mom. I just want to make her proud. I love you, Mom. Just know I feel this way everyday… not just today. I miss you and hope you’ve had a wonderful Mother’s Day. I’ve already told you how hard it’s been to get through this post without crying. Let’s just say my mascara is completely smeared right now… I guess that just shows how full my heart is : )

“A daughter is a mother’s gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of her self.  And mothers are their daughters’ role model, their biological and emotional road map, the arbiter of all their relationships.”  -Victoria Secund

Those were the most beautiful words to read. I would not have missed any of those moments you mention. I loved always being there for you. And I still do.

You brought tears to my eyes, but love to my heart. I miss having you closer, also, and I am so very proud of the young woman you have grown to be.

Thank you little one.

--

I am amazed looking back at this post and its timing. The fact that I wrote all of this to my mom, thanking her, letting her know how vital of a role she's always played in my life, etc. And then, her comment. It was a very rare occasion that my mom would speak from her heart like that. So, to look back and know that we were both able to express these important things from 2,000 miles away, not knowing at the time that it'd be one of our last chances to... it means the world.

I miss my mom more than words will ever be able to express. Although today marks one year since she left this world, my mind, body, and soul are still in shock. Today will certainly be a tough day to get through - for me, my dad, my brothers, my close family, and our close family friends. My mom touched so many lives. She was one-of-a-kind.

She will forever be my inspiration and we will always be the Girls of Summer.

Home for the Holidays

I know, I know. You've been impatiently awaiting my Christmas blog post. Thanks for your patience :) As I mentioned earlier, I was lucky enough to fly back to Virginia just two and a half weeks after arriving in San Diego. I don't know what I was originally thinking when I thought I'd be fine staying in SD for Christmas. It was the first Christmas without Mom and I knew I needed to be home with everyone.

So, it was an early morning shuttle ride to the airport where I said "see you later" to SoCal and off to DC I went!

Although it had only been a short while since I had seen him, there's something special about your dad greeting you at the airport during the holidays. [This was my first time flying home for the holidays. When I lived in Utah, I stayed in Utah.] There may or may not have been a little snow on the ground when I landed in DC. Whaaat?!

It was late so we grabbed a bite to eat and went back to my parents' house. I was immediately welcomed with the warm scent of "home" and beautiful decor everywhere. My dad did a wonderful job bringing my mom's decorations back to life. The below sign has always been my favorite [my mom got it for me since it's my favorite song!]

The next couple days were very busy, helping my dad with some Christmas shopping and getting all the groceries and recipes together. There was a lot to do that my mom had been such a natural at! Big shoes to fill. On Christmas Eve, my brothers and their families came over for our big celebration together.

I made stuffed celery and my deviled eggs for hors d'oeuvres and we had some other dips and cheese and crackers! My mom's rotelle dip is always a hit! Aubrey and I had a fun photo booth style photo sesh, then it was dinner time, followed by presents and dessert!

On Christmas morning, we finished wrapping presents [listen, flying across the country and not having a free second until Christmas morning causes things like that to happen!] then half of the family came over and we went to the cemetery to visit my sweet mom.

Aubrey is starting to understand that "Grammie" is in Heaven and understands that our cat, Missy, is there too. When we ask her, "Where's Missy?" she responds, "Heaven Grammie." Bless her little heart.

I didn't have enough time at the cemetery to get emotional about the fact that I was visiting  a plot in the grass to wish my mom a Merry Christmas. But it hurt. Oh, did it hurt. Not having her with us. Not having her hugs. Not hearing her voice. Not seeing her gallivanting around the house amongst all the commotion. Nothing was the same.

We went back to the house and my brother cooked us all "breakfast for dinner" and then we opened the last of the presents. I know she was there with us, but it just wasn't the same. 

[Trying on her vest from Aunt Chelsea and her hat from Papa.]

[Brother and Sister]

I spent some time with friends, saw a little bit of snow, said my goodbyes, and then headed back to San Diego for good a couple days later. It was actually harder to leave this time than it was when I moved. It was the finality of it. The uncertainty of when I'd be back. But I knew San Diego had become home now and I was so happy about that.

The DC area will always have my heart and I have one wonderful family to always go back and visit. I love them with all my heart :)

My Christmas Angel

Merry Christmas to my angel.

This year just won't be the same without your light.

Your energy. Your laugh. Your hugs.

There will be an empty chair at the table.
An empty stocking.

An empty space under the tree.

You started so many of our Christmas traditions.

You gave the most thoughtful gifts and always managed to give me something totally random to throw me off.

We'll all remember the tradition you started of putting hints on the gift tag.

"Who's that one from, Chels?"

I'll miss watching you open your presents but always being the last one to finish because you wanted everyone to open their gifts first.

I'll miss the excitement in your eyes.

I'll miss your messy morning hair and your little slippers.

As we open our presents this year, as we say grace, and as we say goodnight... the moments will be a little more silent.

Christmas will never, ever be the same.

I'll have my angel watching over me.

But I'll always miss my Mom's Christmas hug.

Merry Christmas, Mommy.

We miss you.

A Different Thanksgiving

[Insert comment here about how I haven't blogged in a while.] At least I'm not the only one. I hope everyone who celebrates the holiday had a wonderful Thanksgiving and made new, special memories with family and friends!

As most of you know, this was the first Thanksgiving without my mom. Going to bed the night before and waking up Thursday morning were definitely a little rough on the heart, which made it a different Thanksgiving. I'm grateful I had family nearby to lean on who were also feeling those same pains.

That morning, my dad and I drove to the cemetery to visit my mom's grave. Her headstone had finally been installed so it was the first time I got to see it. Boy, is it beautiful. There's not one other headstone in the cemetery like it. My dad sure did a wonderful job picking it out and working with the designer. I'm sure my mom is proud :)

Then, we headed over to Maryland where one of my brothers and his wife live to spend the remainder of Thanksgiving. My nephew was in town from grad school so it was great to catch up with him and talk to everyone about my moving plans! I enjoyed copious amounts of stuffing [My favorite. What's yours?] and pumpkin pie! As always with that bunch, we were all rolling on the floor laughing and watching the Redskins game. 

If you don't know by now, my mom's side of the family were born and raised Redskins fans and my two brothers do not take that lightly [although I have fizzled off within the past few years.] So, the Redskins vs. Cowboys game was obviously a big deal. Go Redskins ;)

I'm sad that my other brother and his little family were not able to be with us this year but I look forward to coming home for Christmas to watch my 2-year-old niece Aubrey tear through her presents :) 

While a good portion of the holiday weekend was filled with packing and organizing [the movers arrive TOMORROW!] I also enjoyed time relaxing with family and friends I don't get to see as often as I wish. It made me so grateful for the love and support of those dearest to my heart. I put shopping aside this weekend and focused on one of the most important things to me - LOVE. It's been quite a year and I couldn't have done it without them.

If you are in the shopping mood, check out one of my favorite

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Letting Happiness Ignite

Happiness is...

Actually loving the work that you do. Enjoying it. Dreaming about it. Seeing the vision you have come to life. Even if it means sacrificing your social life [and the majority of your sleep.] It's seeing the final product and whole-heartedly loving it :)

Happiness is...

Going to the place where you held your first job for a yummy dinner paid for by a gift card :) It's indulging in that tasty blood orange Italian soda, the lobster ravioli, and chocolate ganache! Oh, and the warm, rosemary bread...

Happiness is...

Watching your sweet kitty rolling around in the sun. Smelling the refreshing September air. And still being glad that she's an indoor cat :)

Happiness is...

Being silly with my niece. Letting her poke me. Dancing together. Giggling. Tummy tickles. 

Happiness is...

Seeing how happy she is with Missy. Hearing her squeal when the cat walks into the room. Remembering what true and simple happiness really is after seeing that.

Happiness is...

Candid family shots that capture those happy moments. Watching fun, kids' YouTube clips and getting your niece to like Zoobilee Zoo :)

Videos full of happiness, dancing, and cookies :)

While I do love a good hair day or finally finding more chambray tops that I've been looking for [I didn't end up shopping at all this weekend] I know that it's the little moments, the little things, that bring us true happiness. I know that life hands us unhappy moments, rough trials, and unexpected twists - not to make life less enjoyable but to make our true happiness ignite.

After all, it is through the bad times that we are able to appreciate the good. 

My heart has been really full lately. Full of a lot. A lot of things that just need to be sorted out. I'm at one of life's crossroads. There are many things in my past that will be left there and not brought to the future journey. There are also many opportunities that lie ahead - and the time is coming where I'll need to decide which opportunities to take now, which to turn away, and which to save for later. 

As I make those decisions, I'll be sure to keep happiness in mind. I want the happiness in my life to continue to grow and I must make the decisions for myself that will allow that to happen.