Embracing the Sad and the Happy Moments of Life

Since moving to San Diego, I've taken a lot of time to just be. To be alone with my thoughts, and with nature. I suppose that's how I managed to truly find myself here. Today, I'm writing from the same spot of sand on Mission Bay that I have frequented a lot over the past almost-year. While I'm here, I take in my surroundings. Whether it's the sound of the palms whispering in the air next to me, the water as it laps at the shore, or the sights of the beautiful seabirds I have the pleasure of sharing the Bay with, I'm constantly reminded of the simple beauties in nature and the world around us. I find myself smiling as I watch this gorgeous pelican dive into the water and then gracefully take flight again. Or the seagull as it walks past me, making eye contact and stopping for a while as we both bask in the sun.

I understand now why some of the greatest authors, poets, and songwriters go to nature for their inspiration. To just sit here in the middle of it all, observing. Breathing. Hearing. Smiling.

I guess it's no coincidence that when I sit here thinking about what makes me happy and what makes me sad, they both involve animals. Nothing in this world saddens me more than animal cruelty. I'm a huge animal rescue advocate. I will never forget the day I brought Stella home and saved her from being killed. She has been the greatest addition to my life and has loved driving cross country with me during my moves. But hearing the stories of the unfortunate ones, the animals whose time "expired" -- it's just not right. In addition to all of the millions of pets without homes, there are the animals being ruthlessly killed around the world for their meat, milk, skin, fur, fat... you name it. The second I started watching the documentary Vegucated, I knew my life was being changed yet again. My heart breaks. I will always stand as a voice for the voiceless.

The loss of my mom will always sadden me, too. How it all happened in the blink of an eye. It turned our lives upside down and I've seen how it's changed us all forever. Seeing how quickly something can literally take over your entire body like that; how it can suck the life out of you in mere hours -- that changes the way you live. Yet, when you watch firsthand as your mother passes from this life into the next, you have to find happiness in the little things. I still wonder how I didn't just go off the deep end after she died. The waves of life kept hitting before I had enough time to come up for air.

So, you do the only thing you know how... You hold your breath and pray for the sea to level out just long enough for you to get back to the surface. And it's when you finally come up for air -- that's when everything is bolder in color. You feel the ripples in the water more defined than ever before. You feel yourself rise and fall with the constant bobbing of the ocean below you. You feel life all around you.

That said, it's in the little moments that I find happiness now. The moments at the start of the day as the sun peeks through the window and Stella reaches out her soft, little paw to touch my face as her way of saying "Good morning." The moments driving with the sunroof open as the wind dances through my hair and my favorite song bounces through the speakers. The moments of feeling butterflies jumping through my stomach after a surprisingly nice date.  The moments of tasting the refreshing sweetness of a perfectly ripe pineapple after a hot, Summer day. The moments of comfort snuggled under a blanket with a steaming cup of smooth apple cider on a crisp, Fall evening.

Life is to be lived. Life is to be felt. And whether it's a moment of sadness or the endless opportunities for moments of happiness, I embrace life.

Ten Bits of Happiness

Asking me ten things that make me happy is like asking me what qualities I look for in a man. Where the heck do I begin? And because I'm a perfectionist, I want to think of the top ten most important things without leaving anything out. So, this post kind of stresses me out. A post on happiness and I'm stressed out. Typical.

In all honesty though, I am the happiest I have ever been. 
Yep, ever.
I still think that's pretty crazy but it's the truth. I've found myself. I've found my passions. And I'm pursuing them.
Let's talk about my happies, shall we?

1. The Ocean

Always and forever.

My happiness, my escape, the place where it all just makes sense.

2. Acting

Everything about it.

The auditioning. The memorizing. The blocking. The late night and weekend rehearsals. The final production.

This is quite possibly the only thing in my life that literally has always felt inherent. 

3. Music

I'm always listening to music.

Usually the same several songs on repeat at a time.

Here are some current favorites:

+Capital Cities "Safe and Sound" This song makes me HAPPY!

+The Cinema "Picasso"

+Foster the People "Houdini" One of my favorite songs ever.

Other favorites I'm always listening to are Matchbox Twenty & Kavinsky.

4. Pretty Little Liars

It's no secret. [Get it? Got a secret. Can you keep it?]

I've written blog posts about my love for PLL.

Clearly I would play Hanna Marin.

Less than 4 weeks until it comes back! But... who's counting?

5. Volunteering with homeless animals

Fostering animals was one of the biggest blessings of my life.

These 3 little terrors above ripped my arms & legs to shreds but then there were moments like that one.

It was so precious. Helping animals who are helpless... and homeless.

The three kittens, two dogs [and my rescue cat, Stella] will always hold special places in my heart :)

6. Traveling

While I do not enjoy flying, I do enjoy the process of traveling.

And I obviously enjoy driving across the country multiple times too.

But traveling is so eye-opening. Whether you're far off in a distant land with new cultures and languages, or just in another part of your own country... traveling fascinates me.

7. My home

San Diego.

America's Finest City.

It is everything I knew it would be and more.

And it just keeps getting better...

8. Adam Levine when he gets really intense while listening to a performance on The Voice.

9. Ryan Gosling when... well, always. Just Ryan Gosling. Since I was seven.

10. Chocolate. Sushi. Root Beer with In-N-Out. Blueberries with honey & vanilla Greek yogurt. And Sculpin. That's happiness right there.

I was getting too obvious with numbers 1-7 so I figured I'd throw some crazy happy stuff in there as well. There are a lot of things that bring me happiness nowadays. I have a really good feeling that I'll continue to discover new things and places and people that make my smile grow even bigger :)

Perfectly Imperfect

Happiness has been pouring into my life lately. Usually on days when I least expect it. It leaves me feeling grateful. Grateful for the things I don't have. Grateful for the things I've lost. Grateful for the painful times. Because it's those things that make you appreciate the times you have something extra special. It also leaves me feeling grateful for the things I do currently have, even if they're not exactly what I want at the time.

Back in the day, I often thought the grass was always greener on the other side. That someone's life was better because of their relationship or their job or their crazy vacations. I could never just let myself be happy with where things were for me.

But, now, in this stage of my life, I've truly learned how happy my perfectly imperfect life leaves me feeling. I've seen how taking the long way does reward you more greatly in the end. And I am especially learning how important patience, faith, and being true to yourself are.

This life of mine is and has been ever so unpredictable. It's scary, yes. But it's life. It's my life. And when something feels right, it usually is. Embrace it. Whether it's perfect or not. Whether you can see it in its entirety or not. Just embrace it in that moment.

The phase of life that I'm currently in is full of uncertainty. There are so many unknowns about my journey forward. But that's when I have to embrace the "currents" that I do have. 

I can only imagine what it will feel like one day when all of life's pieces finally do align. But for now, I am enjoying the journey. I am feeling a happiness I never knew was possible to feel in such a perfectly imperfect life. 

Don't Look Back

If you guys ever want to get a lot of thinking done, just move away from all your family and friends to a new land. It's fun! My posts have been much, much deeper than in past months, as I'm sure you've noticed. I have really been finding myself and learning about myself from the core. 

Mentally
   Physically
      Spiritually
         Emotionally

My goal has been to purge all of my bad habits; all the things that have been holding me back in any of the above forms; and to grow. In order to do that, I have to start with the things from my past that I'm still holding onto that no longer serve a purpose in my life - at least, not a good one.

However, I recently started a 40-day journey toward creating miracles in my life, which I'd love to share more about later. In this journey, I'll be focusing on some major shifts toward a life of light and love. In order to do this; truly do this - I know I have to let go of what once was in order to focus on what is. That includes the pain and the unanswered-questions.

I know deep in my heart that everything happens for a reason. The time I otherwise wouldn't have had with my mom before she died is proof of that. God, the Universe, whatever you may refer to it as... has a plan.

Each step I take along this 40-day journey, the more I realize how a lot of the little things [in the grand scheme of things] we hold onto, keep us from reaching our truest potential. They keep our energy from focusing on the now. They keep us from reaching absolute happiness; bliss. 

I challenge you all today to think of those things you've been holding onto, that, when you look at the big picture, don't bring you anything positive. They don't help you grow. They don't lift you. Whether they're bad memories, what ifs, a toxic friendship, etc... join me in never looking back.

Everything I've been through was preparation for where I am right now.

What are you never looking back on?

Letting Happiness Ignite

Happiness is...

Actually loving the work that you do. Enjoying it. Dreaming about it. Seeing the vision you have come to life. Even if it means sacrificing your social life [and the majority of your sleep.] It's seeing the final product and whole-heartedly loving it :)

Happiness is...

Going to the place where you held your first job for a yummy dinner paid for by a gift card :) It's indulging in that tasty blood orange Italian soda, the lobster ravioli, and chocolate ganache! Oh, and the warm, rosemary bread...

Happiness is...

Watching your sweet kitty rolling around in the sun. Smelling the refreshing September air. And still being glad that she's an indoor cat :)

Happiness is...

Being silly with my niece. Letting her poke me. Dancing together. Giggling. Tummy tickles. 

Happiness is...

Seeing how happy she is with Missy. Hearing her squeal when the cat walks into the room. Remembering what true and simple happiness really is after seeing that.

Happiness is...

Candid family shots that capture those happy moments. Watching fun, kids' YouTube clips and getting your niece to like Zoobilee Zoo :)

Videos full of happiness, dancing, and cookies :)

While I do love a good hair day or finally finding more chambray tops that I've been looking for [I didn't end up shopping at all this weekend] I know that it's the little moments, the little things, that bring us true happiness. I know that life hands us unhappy moments, rough trials, and unexpected twists - not to make life less enjoyable but to make our true happiness ignite.

After all, it is through the bad times that we are able to appreciate the good. 

My heart has been really full lately. Full of a lot. A lot of things that just need to be sorted out. I'm at one of life's crossroads. There are many things in my past that will be left there and not brought to the future journey. There are also many opportunities that lie ahead - and the time is coming where I'll need to decide which opportunities to take now, which to turn away, and which to save for later. 

As I make those decisions, I'll be sure to keep happiness in mind. I want the happiness in my life to continue to grow and I must make the decisions for myself that will allow that to happen.

Some Summer Happies

Earlier, I wrote a post about the heavier part of life. Now, I get to talk about the lighter part of life. I think it just goes without saying that my life has been insane this past year, correct? It keeps me on my toes now. And it also pushes me. It reminds me to never settle and to never, ever give up on my dreams. It's also reminded me to be grateful... especially for the little things.

But last night when I went to bed, I went to bed happy [and before midnight, can you believe it?] The time I've been able to spend with this special person in my life has reminded me of so many of the things I love in life. To be around someone who knows you well and loves you all the same. Someone who really knew your Mom before she passed. Someone who knows your quirks inside and out and makes you crack up laughing until your stomach hurts about them. Someone who just genuinely cares about you.

Crazy concept, I know, but after the past couple years spent with someone who wasn't any of those things, it sure makes me thank my lucky stars to have this person back in my life after the time and distance apart.

I'm grateful for the most loving cat I could have asked for. A cat who never wants to leave my side and runs to see me each night as soon as she hears me open the door. I have a family that I know deep down in my heart will always, always be there. I have friends through the blogging world that I've connected with and will never be the same because of them and their true hearts. 

I am healthy. I have dreams. I am at a point in my life with limitless possibilities.

And I'm grateful for the little things too; the small, unimportant things that just make life fun. You know - like camera phones, sleeping in late, watching The Vampire Diaries whenever I want to on Netflix, getting awesome deals on statement necklaces from places like Very Jane and Bauble Bar. Oh, and chocolate. Ohhh, chocolate.

So, take a minute and reflect on the things that are making you happy right this second.
What are the big things?
What are the little, small, unimportant yet oh-so-wonderful things?
Chocolate? White chocolate? Puppy kisses when you get home from work? The way *he* looks at you? That super awesome deal you got on those wedges? Do tell! :)

The Stories and Acts of Life

{via}

It feels like I’ve been staring at the computer screen for hours. I mentally debated over what to post about today – what I did last weekend, something funny, etc. As the time ticked on, I turned more and more ideas down. Maybe this post isn’t really going to make much sense, maybe it will resonate with even just one person who reads this.

There have been so many thoughts on my mind as of late, obviously. Some days I wonder when this period of my life will be over – when will my mind just be clear of it all, when will the dark circles that miraculously appeared under my eyes disappear, when will the next chapter begin?

But, then I think about the stories in a book; the acts in a play. When the next chapter or scene begins, not everything prior has abruptly ended, has it? Act Two begins with stories and events from Act One trickling down and eventually coming to an end while new characters are introduced and new events unfold. I’m realizing this about life too as I continue to find things to laugh about, see the beauty in everyday life, learn, and make new friends and memories.

“It’s a process.”
That’s what I say to myself and to my friends when they ask how I’m doing.

It’s been oddly comforting to instantly bond with someone who’s been through a similar situation, to have friends ask me 101 questions because they’ve never been through anything remotely similar and are curious, and also to watch heartbreaking movies like Blue Valentine. Yes, it’s a sad movie but, guess what. My life is not a friggin’ fairytale. Not all stories are happy go-lucky. Real life can be tragic and ugly and it can hurt.

But, all sad stories have the chance to be turned around into something positive in the next chapter or perhaps in the sequel.

I’ve never really considered myself to be an optimist. In fact, I’ve seen how being overly positive can act as a shield; a disguise and can, in turn, destroy something. The trick is to find a balance. Take a bad situation and really feel the pain, the hurt, the sadness – whatever it is - really feel it, accept it, and then learn from it. Find a way to make it change your life for the better.

I’ve taken the time to let myself feel it to the point where some days I could hardly eat, some nights I could barely sleep, and Kleenex boxes wound up empty. But, I’ll tell you one thing – each and every day that passed by, I got out of bed, I got ready, I faced the world, and I found something to be grateful for and to learn from. Some days {like yesterday} are more monumental than others, but each day is a stepping stone.

I made the decision to live a life of happiness and prosperity and growth.

The chapters in my book are still being written. I see how, as one page is turned, new stories are being created as old ones fade out. My focus is to keep writing, keep creating, keep becoming.

--

I know there are women {and men} all over the world who also feel “stuck between chapters” of their lives during times of hurt and heartbreak. Whether you’ve been following my blog, or just stumbled across it today, know I’m just an email away if you ever need a shoulder to lean on :)

The Little Things on This Saturday

I woke up this morning {to the sound of something scratching on my pillow} feeling inspired.

As soon as I opened my eyes I saw happy, healthy baby kitties bouncing around between the pillows. They had a warm bed, and another warm bed {mine} where they could snuggle on top of one another and paw at each other’s faces like little kitties love to do.

Their fluffy fur surrounded me. Their baby claws tickled at my neck as they scurried along me to find somewhere to curl up.

And then, as soon as they found their comfy spot along the soft warm blanket, that’s when I heard it. The subtle rolling purr escaping from their little bodies. Happiness. Bliss. And it was all because I was there with them in this larger than life bed.

I thought to myself, “it’s the little things.” It’s the little things in life that brighten our dark days.

It’s the little things in life that take away our worries and our fears.

It’s the little things in life that warm our hearts and put smiles on our faces.

It’s the little things in life that keep us going.

It’s the little things.

The little things are what make this life so beautiful.

Source: prettysimplelife.tumblr.com via Chelsea on Pinterest

 

So, tell me, friends – what are the “little things” in your life?

Sleeping Kitties & Dylan McKay

I watched NASA’s final shuttle launch this morning from the comfort of my own home. While I watched the footage, I thought about some things: the people that were there watching live. Who were these people? Are they native Floridians? Visitors from other countries? Mothers? Grandfathers? Students? It was a beautiful thing to see so many people taking time out of their lives, whatever it was they had planned for that day, and going to watch history instead.

I thought about the people inside the shuttle. Who were they? Fathers? Aunts?

What does it feel like to be throttled into the air at over 2,000 miles per hour knowing that in just over eight minutes you will be out of Earth’s atmosphere and able to look down at your PLANET? It must also be a beautiful thing.

So, between experiencing history from afar and reading Ashley’s post over at The Shine Project, I started thinking about the beautiful things in my life that bring me happiness. Sure, life is tough. Sure, things aren’t perfect and there are those moments where I just want to break down and cry (which happen more often than not lately) but life is still beautiful. So, I want to share some of the things in my life that bring happiness to my soul.

Happiness is…

Family.  I know what unconditional love is because of my family. For everything they do, I’m forever grateful and lucky to have them.

Looking over at a sleeping cat.   There’s something so precious and peaceful about going about your day and then looking over to see a cat all snuggled up, eyes tightly shut, and head tucked under. The head tucked under is my favorite. That’s when you know they’re really asleep.

Finding a good steal.   I am a total bargain shopper and almost always refuse to buy anything full price. So, it definitely makes me happy when I can find something I’ve been needing (like an adorable nude heel I found last weekend) that fits perfectly, looks good, AND is on sale.

Watching Beverly Hills 90210 DVD’s.   What? You don’t do it too? One of the first shows I looked up when we got Netflix was this old school hit. I wasn’t allowed to watch it when it originally aired (and now I understand why) but I had a Donna Martin (aka Tori Spelling) Barbie doll and a 90210 lunchbox. The obsession still lives on today. While the episode I watched last night was pretty lame, since it revolved around Brandon and he’s always lame, the outfits, lingo, and Dylan McKay never fail to put a smile on this girl’s face.

And really, I’m just happy to be alive. No matter how hard the day, I’m here, I’m alive, and I know that the hard times make me stronger.

 

Photos:  Elle , Wikia