Everything Has Changed

The other night, as I was getting ready for bed, reflecting on a lot of the big changes that are currently taking place and where I am in life right now, I started thinking about change. More specifically, about how much I have changed as a person. It kind of freaked me out for a second. Like, holy sh*t! I used to be that girl?

I looked back at my life three years ago. Three years. Not too long ago but still a significant amount of time has passed since then. And, well, everything about me has changed. Errrrythang.

The state that I live in.
My hair color.
My marital status.
My religion.
My diet.
My lifestyle.
My style.
My happiness.
My thought process.
My friends.
My family.
My career.
My hobbies.
My ability to handle uncertainty.
My confidence.
My self-image.
My life.

Yep, now you're understanding why I had a "holy sh*t" moment. Everything in my entire life has changed. And then I discovered why. It's not that I have changed, necessarily; that somehow I just became a magical new person and knew how to be happy and surround myself with awesome people and go after my dreams and not give a flying you-know-what what anybody else thinks. No.

Instead, I did something that sounds really simple but for those of you who've been through it too, you know it's easier said than done... I found myself. Really, truly. I stopped trying to impress "what's his face" and stopped comparing myself to "what's her name" and just took the time to get to know everything about myself. About my soul, my heart, my innate being.

Most importantly, I stopped trying to be what I thought I "should" be... whether by my mom's standards, my "friends'" standards, my former church's standards, society's standards, etc. and I just WAS. I AM. I can finally be. And by truthfully, authentically, organically BEING, life is constantly this exciting, amazing, captivating gift and puzzle and blast all at the same time.

This is the woman I was created to be.

Everything has changed. That's life. We wake up everyday with new opportunities and new choices to make. Those choices and shifts that we consciously make for ourselves and for our lives are what create the changes. And, little by little, on days like the one I just had, we look back and say, "holy sh*t!" Some of those changes are painful and some seem impossible to make, others are easy and natural. But, if those changes remain in harmony with our true self, we'll say that "holy sh*t" with a big grin ;)

On My Changes

I made a few changes on my blog. Mainly just a new header. It was pretty long overdue. It got me thinking about changes. Some changes are gradual. Some happen overnight. Some are created by us. Some are created by circumstances outside our control. Either way change is change. You can either be scared of it or learn from it or with it.

In the past year or so, here are the changes that have occurred in my life
Whether on purpose or by nature:

+I went from having a mother to being motherless
     The biggest change I've ever faced in this life [you can read all of my Mom posts here.] It was unexpected and turned my world upside down in a matter of seconds. As I watched my mom slip into the next life, I knew my life was never going to be the same. This change in my life started the domino effect of changes to come.

+I started After Sunset
     My mom encouraged my creative nature when I was younger but I quickly noticed how SATs, college papers, and cover letters throughout the years always seemed to win on the list of priorities. I knew life was too short so I launched my little shop on Etsy and dove straight in to creating new designs. It's been a gradual process but I've loved the road thus far.

+I bought a new car
     I did the one thing I always told myself I'd never do [okay except for sky-diving and all that jazz] I bought a brand-spanking-new car. It was my first real investment and I felt ready for it. [Although, I wasn't ready for the scratches that were inevitably about to come with it. If only people were more careful...!]

+I moved from Virginia to California
    The second biggest change because with this change has come many others:
          +I work with a company that I am passionate about and wake up everyday [even on the weekends because I'm a total nerd] excited to be a part of their team!
          +I'm away from family and my best friends. This just pushes me harder to find new people that inspire me and encourage me!
          +What I eat, how I exercise, how I speak, what I wear - Some of my favorite foods and fashions are so easily accessible here not to mention, I can exercise outside any day I so choose and people don't make fun of me for saying "dude" ;)

+And then I chopped off my hair
     I mean, tell me changing up your appearance like that doesn't make you feel like a changed woman ;) Go do it for yourself if you don't believe me. I'm loving my short hair! And knowing that some woman will have a wig makes this change even better!

These are just some of the "on paper" changes. I have to admit, I feel entirely different. I feel changed. For the better. I look back at previous relationships, friendships, and problems that were a part of my life and I see them all so differently now. The way I make decisions has changed. The way I handle my feelings has changed. The way I prioritize things has changed. The way I see life has changed... tremendously.

Sometimes a big change or lots of little changes combined together are exactly what we need to take our life in the right direction. The direction that was meant for us. I have no doubt that I'm exactly where I'm meant to be right this very second, and if it weren't for those changes above - who knows - I probably wouldn't have learned all I've learned about life this year.

Change can be a good thing. It can be a great thing.

Don't Look Back

If you guys ever want to get a lot of thinking done, just move away from all your family and friends to a new land. It's fun! My posts have been much, much deeper than in past months, as I'm sure you've noticed. I have really been finding myself and learning about myself from the core. 

Mentally
   Physically
      Spiritually
         Emotionally

My goal has been to purge all of my bad habits; all the things that have been holding me back in any of the above forms; and to grow. In order to do that, I have to start with the things from my past that I'm still holding onto that no longer serve a purpose in my life - at least, not a good one.

However, I recently started a 40-day journey toward creating miracles in my life, which I'd love to share more about later. In this journey, I'll be focusing on some major shifts toward a life of light and love. In order to do this; truly do this - I know I have to let go of what once was in order to focus on what is. That includes the pain and the unanswered-questions.

I know deep in my heart that everything happens for a reason. The time I otherwise wouldn't have had with my mom before she died is proof of that. God, the Universe, whatever you may refer to it as... has a plan.

Each step I take along this 40-day journey, the more I realize how a lot of the little things [in the grand scheme of things] we hold onto, keep us from reaching our truest potential. They keep our energy from focusing on the now. They keep us from reaching absolute happiness; bliss. 

I challenge you all today to think of those things you've been holding onto, that, when you look at the big picture, don't bring you anything positive. They don't help you grow. They don't lift you. Whether they're bad memories, what ifs, a toxic friendship, etc... join me in never looking back.

Everything I've been through was preparation for where I am right now.

What are you never looking back on?

New Dreams and New Places

"It's the losing of love that makes us who we are.

The loss of a parent.

Who you thought you might be.

But it's also filled with promise and the possibility of opening your heart to new beginnings.

And new dreams and new places.

The city was no longer a fantasy.

It was real.

And I knew now I wasn't searching for something or somebody here.

I was searching for me.

Who I was.

Who I wanted to be."

-The Carrie Diaries

The last two years of my life have really throw me off balance.

The approaching time of year is especially difficult for me.
It's painful to look at the calendar and remember where I was this time 2 years ago [getting ready to be married] and last year [unknowingly spending the last month with my mom]
It still hits hard.
And I'm not afraid to admit that.

Losing the love that I lost changed me.
It grounded me. Centered me. Made me an even deeper thinker than I already was.
It changed my faith. My health. My expectations.

The truth is, I moved to San Diego alone - no best friends, no family. Just me.
I was at a point in my life where my job did nothing for me other than bring me down.
Many of my friendships felt unconnected and moving in opposite directions.
And while I had grown even closer to my family, I knew what I had to do.

I knew life was too short to put this dream on hold.
Or to jeopardize never even making it a reality.
But aside from that, I knew I needed to be alone.
To create my own life away from the comforts of my hometown.
I knew I needed to re-build the part of me that I had lost.
With new dreams and new places.

So, here I am.
I'm standing.
On my own.
Where I belong.

[San Diego]

Marching On

Yesterday was the first day of March. The start of this new month brings a lot of change for me.

It will be the first month where I'll have to find my new "normal."

It will be the month where I'll learn how to say "goodbye" to certain things and "hello" to others.

It will be the month where we'll head into a new season; a season full of blossoming and the beginning of new growth.

It will be the month where each of us will have a little more luck than we usually do - and even more if we're Irish ;)

This will be the first month without my Mom. So, no more holding out on things. In honor of her, I'm going to make this the month where I really start to make my dreams a reality. With March will come change. Good change. Change that I bring about by making goals, accomplishing them, and not letting myself fall back into old habits.

As the trees start to bloom, so will I.

What does the start of this month mean to you?

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Make That Change

It’s that time of year to think about all that we are grateful for. I’m grateful for change. As hard as it may be at some times, change means that we are learning, growing, and becoming.

{via}

Time certainly can help change things. But, let’s ask ourselves where the change really stems from. Time can push things along, make things go away, etc. However, we are the ones who allow that change to happen. At some point, we make the decision to change. Change usually does happen over time. It’s a process. But, I think once we are able to start that process, we will truly start to see change occur in many aspects of our lives.

As many of you know, I moved back to my hometown in Virginia from Utah about three months ago. It’s been a process. Time has flown by, but, I can look back at my life two months and even one month ago and see the change that has occurred. Today, another big step will be taking place.

Today, I officially will become a Virginia resident again!

This time last year, I was officially becoming a Utah resident; getting my Utah Driver’s License, getting my Utah plates, and switching my car insurance over to Utah, etc. {I waited 11 months to do that. Oops!} Now, here I am switching it all back over to Virginia. And, you know what? It feels right.

Who knows where I’ll end up {let’s just be honest and say “California” one day} but for now, this is where I’m meant to be. It’ll be a new step for me to say goodbye to my plates with the slogan “The Greatest Snow on Earth” on them. It’s a small but necessary step in moving on from the life I once lived and onto something new and better. It’s one more thing I can do to make these changes myself :)

“If you want to make the world a better place
take a look at yourself then make that change.”
-Michael Jackson