"It's the losing of love that makes us who we are.
The loss of a parent.
Who you thought you might be.
But it's also filled with promise and the possibility of opening your heart to new beginnings.
And new dreams and new places.
The city was no longer a fantasy.
It was real.
And I knew now I wasn't searching for something or somebody here.
I was searching for me.
Who I was.
Who I wanted to be."
-The Carrie Diaries
The last two years of my life have really throw me off balance.
The approaching time of year is especially difficult for me.
It's painful to look at the calendar and remember where I was this time 2 years ago [getting ready to be married] and last year [unknowingly spending the last month with my mom]
It still hits hard.
And I'm not afraid to admit that.
Losing the love that I lost changed me.
It grounded me. Centered me. Made me an even deeper thinker than I already was.
It changed my faith. My health. My expectations.
It's painful to look at the calendar and remember where I was this time 2 years ago [getting ready to be married] and last year [unknowingly spending the last month with my mom]
It still hits hard.
And I'm not afraid to admit that.
Losing the love that I lost changed me.
It grounded me. Centered me. Made me an even deeper thinker than I already was.
It changed my faith. My health. My expectations.
The truth is, I moved to San Diego alone - no best friends, no family. Just me.
I was at a point in my life where my job did nothing for me other than bring me down.
Many of my friendships felt unconnected and moving in opposite directions.
And while I had grown even closer to my family, I knew what I had to do.
I knew life was too short to put this dream on hold.
Or to jeopardize never even making it a reality.
But aside from that, I knew I needed to be alone.
To create my own life away from the comforts of my hometown.
I knew I needed to re-build the part of me that I had lost.
With new dreams and new places.
So, here I am.
I'm standing.
On my own.
Where I belong.
I was at a point in my life where my job did nothing for me other than bring me down.
Many of my friendships felt unconnected and moving in opposite directions.
And while I had grown even closer to my family, I knew what I had to do.
I knew life was too short to put this dream on hold.
Or to jeopardize never even making it a reality.
But aside from that, I knew I needed to be alone.
To create my own life away from the comforts of my hometown.
I knew I needed to re-build the part of me that I had lost.
With new dreams and new places.
So, here I am.
I'm standing.
On my own.
Where I belong.
[San Diego]
13 comments:
You always surprise me with your writing. I can hear you saying all these things and truly makes me admire the person you are that much more. It takes a lot of guts to make that kind of move and I commend you for that. It's awesome. You know I'm crazy for you. xoxo
(last part sounded like a damn love letter)
I understand what you mean about rebuilding. It's one of the motivating factors of why I moved to New York from DC two years ago. It was one of the scariest things I did but totally worth it when I think about how much I've come into my own during this time.
You got this!
Beautiful and inspiring post! I love the quote. Sounds like it matches where your at perfectly. Loss is do hard. You've focused here on the growth that comes with it and I believe that takes a lot of strength. Good for you.
Girl, you give me so much inspiration!! I don't know you personally, but just from reading your blog I feel like I know you haha (love how that works)... and I am SO proud!! You have so much ahead of you and a strong, independent past to get you there! Very excited for you!
xoxo
I admire your move to San Diego by yourself. I know I would never be able to do something so big like that on my own. (I'm damn near scared of everything) But you have also been through so much in just a couple years I'm sure you could take on just about anything!!
Glad you are happy with your choice to move! Strong strong girl!!
I just don't know how many times I can tell you how much of an amazing inspiration you! Do your thing out there girlfriend! Find yourself and make some new precious memories.
What a lovely post today. It takes a lot to make such a big move on your own like you did and I admire your strength and honestly through it all. Thank you for sharing and reminding me of the importance of being true to who you are and taking chances.
I found your blog through Katie ^^
I am so glad you posted this. I think we can all relate to this in some way or another. Sometimes it takes experiencing certain things to make/turn us into who we should be. It takes those experiences to make us realize what matters. And while moving somewhere you don't know can be scary it is also a great opportunity. A time to become comfortable with yourself and to enjoy you! Everything else when come when it should.
Thanks for posting!
You are so brave for taking that risk and moving by yourself-- I think about how I so wish I could do something like that. I admire you for it and I'm so happy for you!
I've found myself in a place that I fought so hard not to be. I wanted to live where I was before for all of these reasons that I thought I had all figured out. Turns out I was wrong, and I am exactly where I need to be now. Sometimes we surprise ourselves. Great post! Congrats on following your dream! :)
Have a great weekend! :)
The fact you were able to move across the country by yourself is very admirable. I am sure you have learned so much about yourself in the last couple months. I wish you the best in SD and I can't wait until our paths cross.
Proud of you for following your heart!! Thinking of you!!
I loved this post! You remind me a lot of myself and my journey to Cali that I'm embarking in this July! So happy you followed your dream! Xo
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