Wednesday, June 26, 2013

I Fought My Alter Ego And My Alter Ego Won

On Friday morning, not too many hours after my RAW showcase had ended and I went out with some friends to celebrate, I received a text from an old flame of mine asking me what I was doing that night. I replied with, "Sleeping, hopefully." I was exhausted and burnt out from all the preparation going into my showcase. I just. wanted. to sleep.

But then, my super extrovert, feel guilty if I don't say yes, personality comes out and next thing I know I'm on my way to Anaheim with my old flame from high school. Yes, high school.

We went to the LA Angels vs. Pittsburgh Pirates game! Our seats were pretty darn amazing if I do say so myself. We were in the dugout suites which meant we even had our own food catered for us. And... ice cream sundaes! There are few sports things I love more right now than going to watch a baseball game in person. Which reminds me, I still haven't posted about the Padres games I've gone to. Don't worry - I don't always travel up to Anaheim/LA to watch baseball.

Around the top of the 9th, we left and made our way down to Irvine since I had never before been to Spectrum. I had heard several other bloggers talking about the magic that is Spectrum so I'm glad we had the chance to stroll through it. It was a mix between Downtown Disney and a miniature Las Vegas. Minus the gambling. The "cinema" and carousel and ferris wheel were my favorite parts.

Magical, right? I got home pretty late that night and the next morning, I had already agreed to going to brunch and the OB Street Fair with some girl friends. I had no idea at the time that it would end up being an all day, all night ordeal. What ever happened to getting some rest, Chelsea?! I tell you, when my extrovert alter ego comes out, she doesn't joke around. I did get to try some Kenyan vegan sambusa which was absolutely delicious and prepared me for my trip to Africa one day.

That night and the next day, it started to hit me pretty hard. Sometimes the pressures of living in a new city, wanting to experience new things, wanting to make new friends, all while dealing with life's disappointments, exhausting weeks, and continued efforts to be YOU leads to you not always being you. That's how we find ourselves, eh? And then on Sunday, I proceeded to answer "yes" to another invitation to be social. It was a lot more relaxed which was good and I caught some stellar views of the seals in La Jolla and the sunset :)

However, at the end of the night, I got attacked by a wave and quickly became a drenched, cold mess. Plus, I was still in a bit of a funk. I couldn't enjoy that sunset as much as I usually do because my mind wasn't all there. I've written countless times about how vital balance is in my day-to-day life as a single woman trying to find her place in this world. Within the past week, because of all the craziness and not saying "no" when I should have, I stopped practicing some of the greatest things I had been doing in my life. I stopped going for my nightly runs. I stopped meditating every morning. I stopped trying new healthy recipes. I subconsciously said, "no" to those very things that made my life so rich.

This might sound ridiculous to all of you social butterflies out there. Don't get me wrong - I made some awesome memories this past weekend and got some lovely pictures. But as an introvert, I refuel by spending time NOT being social. An article that I found here says it best: "Extroverts typically can handle several activities in one day or attend several events in a single week without having a complete meltdown. However, some introverts, like myself may have a "Jekyll and Hyde" episode if we do not take time to rest, recover, and refuel." I had a meltdown. I cracked. The more and more I agreed to, the more I tried to push myself to be social, the less "me" I felt. I fought my alter ego and my alter ego won.

You live and you learn, right? I've learned to really... like, really... start listening to my inner guide. If I'm tired and I just really need to sleep/meditate/go for a friggin' run alone, then the other things, no matter how much "fun" they sound at the time, need to get the "no." I keep telling myself this. And I keep letting my true, introvert self down. I will learn to maintain balance in my life. I will.

Where my introverts at? Has something similar happened to you?


Cassie Marshall said...

I'm completely the same way!

Chelsea said...

Introvert right here!!! I;m pretty good about saying no most of the time, but there are times when I say yes, days ahead of time, then when it gets to that day I'm super tired and just want a day of rest. Not going to lie, I have on a couple of occasions, lied and said I had other things that had to be done. I felt bad, but then felt great the next day. It really is hard to balance it all out. But it all seems to work itself out in the end :)

Heidi said...

I'm the same exact way. I need that time to refuel. My fiance is an extrovert (TOTAL extrovert) so many of our friends don't realize how introverted I am. I had a mini meltdown this past weekend on our way to my fiance's annual company picnic. I had spent so many days and weekends in a row socializing that spending another afternoon with 100 people was the last thing I wanted to do. I sucked it up, but I ended up staying home and doing NOTHING on Sunday. My fiance, on the other hand, will constantly try to cram as many things into free time as possible. One recent weekend we had brunch with friends, went to another friend's going away party, and spent the afternoon and evening with another group of friends that were in town-- all in one day. Overload.

Natalie Joseph said...

I must admit I a lot like you, I tend to push myself to go out more in order to avoid a case of FOMO and then I push myself so much that I eventually crash.. We really should learn to say no :)

X Natalie

Holly said...

I suck at saying "no" and it's been something I have been working on for years. It's slowly getting better - I've actually said "no" to people recently because I knew I needed "me" time. It's hard work being an extrovert! We're a just too popular, I guess ;) But I can certainly relate to that feeling of guilt when you do say "no" and wanting to say "yes." And I can also relate to that feeling of being out of balance because you haven't gotten in enough "you" time. It's a process, you'll get there :)

Renee Arianna said...

I am an introvert at heart too and constantly let the socializing and wanting to be a part of something with friends overwhelm me eventually until I'm in that same funk and just need the alone time to recharge. I feel like I've learned so much about you in the last month's worth of posts that I've read. And all of them are so inspiring to help others become the best version of themselves they can be. Just thought you should know that! :)